How To Be Awesome: Lesson 3, Emo kids are LAME

In case you haven't picked up on this by now, I am a very preachy, very judgmental person. There are so very, very many things that I hate in this world that I don't think it would be physically possible for me to list them all. For example I hate frayed shoelaces, I hate it when people breath audibly, I hate eggs because they are the chicken equivalent of a woman's red vaginal bomb (think about it and you will hate eggs too), I hate China, I hate it when people call me Anna, I hate Kristen Stewart, I hate Drew Barrymore, I hate it when people don't bow when I enter a room, I hate people who think they are smarter than I am (Because it's just simply impossible to be more smarter than me), I hate Benjamin Franklin, and though those are only a few of the things/people I hate, I hate EMO people most of all.

The Great and Legen... ...wait for it... ...dary Barney Stinson once said:

When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead. True story.

You see being sad, is a shameful act. Sad people are worthless people, Awesome people are Awesome people. Do you understand what I mean?

Let me tell you a little story about a gorgeous, intelligent, awesome little girl (*ME*):

Once upon a time, in the age of the Tyrant Madman Bush, a little girl lived in a small little hut on the edge of a giant mountain called Mount Everest. This little girl was so good at everything she did, she was even awesome at pooping, that she decided to climb Mount Everest. She climbed up and down it in one afternoon. 2 hours exactly. It would have been 1 hour in total but she had to stop to take the previously mentioned poop. I know, I know, you were wondering how someone could be awesome at pooping, well anyone is awesome at anything when you can do it on top of Mount Everest.
But, I digress. So this little girl was just getting down from the mountain when she hears about a famous boxer named Creed who wants to box against an unknown. It is a chance for a nobody to become a somebody. It is supposed to be an easy match for Creed to win, but someone forgot to tell the little girl this. And as she was training by running up a huge thing of steps somewhere in a far off land called Philly, she began to become a little frightened because she worried she might loose. But then she realized how friggin awesome she was and kicked the crap out of Creed.

You see children, Believe in your inner awesomeness and then you will be awesome.


HAhahaha, I couldn't keep a straight face through typing that last line. You can't be awesome! I am awesome! Are you like me? no. Why? Because I am writing this blog, and you are reading it. Ergo *ME*>you. So unless you start really being like me, you can't be awesome. SORRY BITCH!