The United States of Picking and Flicking.

So I am going to go a little unorthidox today and talk about something that is very serious and personally, very important to me. I am talking about picking your nose. I know a lot of people are very anti the pick-and-flick, but I am a huge fan.

Not many people have the kahonas to stand up on their little soap box and announce to the world that they enjoy digging for gold in their free time, but I am gonna take one for the team here and announce to the world my favorite past time.

I just never quite understood what was so inherently wrong about it. As long as you keep a good supply of hand sanitizer on you, why not go spelunking? We all do it, just no one ever wants to admit it.

Maybe the thrill of being caught is one of the reasons I love it so. How sneakily can I get that booger that has been bothering me all day? Will anyone notice? And if they do notice does anyone have the balls to say something to me?

Ever since I have turned 21, so many things are no longer as fun as they once were. Mostly drinking. Nothing was more exciting than walking up to that bouncer with a terrible fake and seeing just how far I could push the limits before I got in trouble. Since that has now lost its luster I am forced to finding enjoyment in pushing other boundaries. Like social norms. Society doesn't want me to pick my nose? Well too bad. We live in America Buddy! And that bird that I think it was what a grandfather bird would look like (what is it, the bald something or other?) says I have my freedoms. I earned my freedom to pick my nose wherever I want. And no one, not even Ben Franklin, can ever take that away from me.

Unidragontaur

We all know what a unicorn is, a beautiful, majestic creature. Why, I rode on one just the other day! Except halfway through the ride his horn fell off and it seemed to be made from the cardboard ring paper-towels come on. My mother told me that that was just how unicorns make babies. Their horns fall off, then you have to bury the horn, and in 2 weeks, a baby unicorn will rise out of the ground. So then we had to bury the horn because if you don't the Mama unicorn will go on a killing rampage. I once saw a Panda get killed by a unicorn, and I never want to see something like that again.

Anyways, so we all know what a unicorn is, and well all know what a centaur is. What about a unitaur? Have you ever seen one of those? Well I never have, so I began to draw this wonderful creation. But then I began to think to myself:

"When has America ever done anything in moderation? Never. So, by only combining two creatures I am being unpatriotic."

This absolutely appalled me. I hate being unpatriotic. In fact, I go out of my way to show my pride in this great country. I got the flag tatooed on my whohaw. So then I thought:

"If I am to be more patriotic I have to add more crap to this animal! But what is the animal that most embodies America? It can't be something wussy like a bird. What is the most American animal that ever existed?"

Then, it hit me:

"A DRAGON!"

So, now that you know the story, here is my picture of *ME* as a unidragontaur: