Ana's Top Ten Most Disgusting or Strange Pick-up Lines That DID NOT Actually Deter the Man.

Many of those who know me are aware of my compulsive lying. Now, I don't do this to just anyone, mostly just men I meet at the bar. I feel a deep urge to just make up the most ridiculous lies I can, or I say the most ridiculous things I can. I really enjoy pushing it as far as I can possibly go and see how much a man will take. In College Park it is especially funny because men will deal with just about anything to get laid.

So with that bit of background information, I introduce "Ana's Top Ten Most Disgusting or Strange Pick-up Lines That DID NOT Actually Deter the Man." (Yes, I hate to admit it, but these lines sometimes actually made men become MORE interested in me.)

10. "Our names are Anastasia and Katrina and we are Russian twins."
Ok so you might say, "Well men LOVE twins why is this so strange?" The strangeness mostly has to do with the fact that this was what I would tell men FROM EUROPE about Cat and I while we clearly had only American accents. Yet, they still seemed to believe us. Not to mention that I still don't really see much of a resemblance between Cat and I.

9. "You look like you just walked out of a 'Lord of the Gays' parade."
It was really the shirt he was wearing. But this one goes so low on the list because I think that most men might try harder to actually change my mind after I would say this to them.

8."I'm a Mexican Chicken."
Oh this one is an inside joke, but it involves a sombrero, the cluck-u chicken man, and many cervezas.

7. "Look I really physically do not have a cellphone"
This man COULD NOT take a hint.

6. "blah-haha-blugh-hem"
That was the sound of me vomiting. This is one of the most iconic of all my anecdotes, but it is ranked so low because it actually wasn't a pick up line. Basically I was seeing this guy (we will call him Wings because of the intense amount of hair on his back and the manner in which this hair was shaped) and when he asked me to be his girlfriend I vomited all over his face. No, I wasn't very drunk at all. Yes, being his girlfriend seemed that disgusting to me. Surprisingly he continued to try and date me. I had to end it though after he took me to his away weekend and I saw him with his shirt off for the first time.

5. "How do you feel about Light-saber lava? I really only date men who are world wide champions."
Now this line I actually use pretty frequently. You see it does two things, it filters out the jocks and jerks while it draws in the nerds and geeks. Yes, I am proud to admit that I am a nerd and geek lover. The dorkier the better. So while to some men they find this a really strange thing to say, other men think that it is the hottest thing I could ever say. But regardless of drawing in men, I really, truly do refuse to date anyone who won't play light-saber lava with me. It is truly and deeply my favorite sport.

4. "I am actually only 14, I just hit puberty really early."
This one sometimes has an unexpected effect. When men become more interested in me after I say this I get a little creeped out.

3. "The smell of vomit is such a turn on."
I use this one at Santa Fe in CP a lot. For some unknown and appalling reason that bar ALWAYS smells like vomit. So when a man approached me in Fe the other night I had the PERFECT opportunity to send him running. Only he really didn't seemed that disturbed by what I had just said.

2. "I polished these buttons with my own urine."
I really don't know what possessed me to say this, especially since I liked the guy I was talking to. Maybe I just have the weirdest sense of humor. But he actually thought that that was the most hysterical thing ever.

1. "I am actually still a man and I am just waiting on my sex change operation."
I really thought that this would be the most offensive thing I could possibly say to a guy at Cornerstone, but for GOD knows why he actually offered to buy me a drink. This just goes to show you HOW desperate men are to get their decks slippery when wet.

I'll Bag YOUR Wine

Just for the record, I created this bag THREE YEARS AGO!

I remember it like it was yesterday...

I was a young girl, new to the city of College Park, 18 years old. I found the drink prices to be appallingly high, little did I know they were insanely cheap, so I devised an ingenious scheme to get free alcohol.

Step 1, take a canvas bag and cut a small hole in one of the bottom corners.

Step 2, go to a frat party, preferable a frat that is desperate for girls, and steal a box of wine.

Step 3, open the box and take out the bag.

Step 4, place bag of wine inside of the canvas bag with the nozzle sticking out through the hole you already cut.

Step 5, place a smaller purse inside canvas bag, over top of the bag of wine.

Step 6, DRINK BITCH!

Step 7, when you are passing out in a random parking lot after drinking half the bag, you can now use the rest of your bag of wine as a pillow.


Yeah see, you don't need to pay $60 for the shit, just follow my instructions and you not only have a bag for you wine, but a pillow too!

SUCK ON THESE NUTS!

For your convenience I included below a pretty detail depiction on how to use the bag as a pillow correctly.

LET ME DRAW YOU, let me caress your body, you got me going crazy ooo, turn me up, turn me on!

You know the best thing about kickball?
I am awesome at it.
You know the best thing about life?
I am awesome at it.
You know the best thing about me?
I am awesome.
You know the best things about you?
You are slightly awesome for loving me, because I am so awesome.

Buttt, I just wanted to put up this post to let you know about my offer to draw. You tell me something you want drawn, and I will draw it. Here is an example of something I drew on paint for my friend Cat:



This piece is called: "Cat's Outta The Bag"

You want this kinda talent representing you? LET ME KNOW!

Now I am off to meet my kickball, kicking butt buddies!

HOORAH for BEER! The juice of GODS! The Most precious substance ever!

Excuse of the Day: I drink so much because I am so goddamn smart.

So According to The Telegraph, a British newspaper, the women who drink the most are also the smartest women. You can check out the article here.

I don't think I can apropriately explain how very happy this makes me. I now have a whole new world of excuses to rely on!

"Dear Officer, I am not drunk! I am just proving how smart I am!"

Just think of it this way, with every alcoholic sip you take, you are making your chances for becoming a Nobel Lauriet higher.

I don't care how out of line my reasoning is! I just found a way to justify drinking 10 bottles of wine a week and nothing can ever take that away from me!