How To Be Awesome: Lesson 1, Lying

In honor of "How I Met Your Mother," I am going to be doing a series of life lessons where I take a Barney Stinson quote, and teach you "readers" (I put readers in quotes because I know I am the only one who actually reads this) a life lesson about how to be awesome.

Today's lesson is centered around the quote: "A lie is a great story ruined by the truth."

I am hesitant to call this quote "so true" due to it's subject matter, but oh, it is so true. I personally like to embellish most of my stories. For instance: instead of telling people "I don't eat pig because I don't like the taste of it," I instead tell people "I don't eat pig because once, when I was little I was at a farm and I fell in love with a pig named Betsy. After I cared for Betsy until she grew fat and happy. Then, the owners of the farm murdered her before my eyes. They slit her throat and made me watch as the blood poured from her neck." See the difference? The truth makes it so people still bother me to try and eat pork, even though I told them I don't like it. The lie makes it so no one ever bothers me about eating pork again. Hoorah! Everyone is happy.

Another lie I like to tell everyone is that I was injured in a dirt bike accident. Lets compare the truth to the lie again.
Truth: "I was straddling a dirt bike trying to learn how to work it when it fell over on me and I got surprisingly hurt from a stupid accident."
Lie: "During my time as a BMX-er, I attempted to complete the never before seen stunt called 'The SkippyMilkshakeCostaRicaBootyTwist.' It was so complex and intense that I ended up falling from 60ft in the air and crashed in a fiery explosion. I walked away surprisingly uninjured from what could have been a deadly accident."
I feel like I don't even really need to justify the lie here, its just so much more awesome.

So, in conclusion, make up as much crap as you want about your life. Most people will forget half the crap you tell them anyways, so why not entertain yourself, and your listener with a wild and insane story. There are 2 types of people that get away with lying: The person who never lies, so when they do they are immediately forgiven, and the person who lies so much that no one would believe them even if they were telling the truth. I prefer to be the latter. Yes, no one ever knows what I am talking about, but they love me anyway because it feels like they are talking to a soap opera.