Your 8 Personalities.

So I'm at work right now and I'm thinking: "Ana, let's face it: you are really super awesome! But, here's the problem: No one at work knows how awesome you are because if you exposed your true personality people might go insane from the awesomeness: actually, they would probably be very confused and just not get you, you know? Anyhoo, a lot of people don't know how awesome you really are because you seem to have a multiple personality disorder where you act very different in front of different people: well it's not so much different but a controlled output of what you are actually thinking: and it's probably not just you, everybody probably does this: but not everyone has what seems to be an unhealthy obession with colons: they aren't the same things as periods you know: okay, they are kind of similar: like a double period in case a single period wasn't badass enough for you: you should stop now though it's getting annoying: really stop: no, seriously Ana's brain, you need to stop now: AHHH!"

In that last part I killed my brain by injecting a condensed mountain dew syrum straight into it, through my pupil. That is why I got to use the exclamation mark. That is also why this might not be the best article. And because I damaged my pupil, there will be no pictures either.

8.) Your church personality

Like an onion, there are many layers to your personality. The fakest will be your personaliy in church. But first, I have to ask (shit I don't want to use colons, or maybe I really do?) *insert badass period-like thing that can also be the eyes in a smiley-face* Why the hell are you in church? Seriously, why would someone reading my blog be in church? Oh, I get it, you watched Hunchback of Notre Dam recently and saw that a church was a place of sanctuary where cops won't arrest you. Now you are on the lamb and are hiding out in a church to save yourself. That is also why you are lying out your ass to the nuns over there about why you are really here and exposing them to a part of your personality that could barely be qualified as you.

7.) Your work personality

So now that you got out of that on the run scenario, you are relaxing at work. Not really, you are still kind of up tight because you want them to like you enough to give you more money. Sure, you might crack a few jokes here and there, but you aren't going to tell them about that time you smuggled cuban cigars onto an american cruise ship and then almost got kicked out of the boat because you smoked them in your room. Yes, it was a hysterical story that ended with you getting shoved into a running shower with a still lit cigar while your cabin mate tries to explain to the captain that it was the steam that caused the smoke detectors to go off. But you can't tell your coworkers that because they are all old as shit and wont think it's funny, they will think you are depraved and then you won't get more money from them.

6.) Your dating personality

Alright, it's after work and you are on that blind date from OKCupid. You kind of like this guy and you might even tell him the cigar story, if he seems laid back enough. You can be funny in front of him, but you can't reveal any of the awful traits about your personality. Like your narcissism, or your crippiling emotional detachment issues. Or your awful grammer and spelling. You still have to watch every little thing you say in case you accidently tip him off to how psychotic you really are. You can't let him know about that time you roundhouse kicked a hobo just to see how it felt. He probably wouldn't think that that was as badass as as you think it was.

P.S. - that wasn't a hobo, it was a bag of trash.

P.S.S. - that wasn't a roundhouse kick, you barely got your foot off the ground.

P.S.S.S - good for you fo believing in yourself enough to believe you actually roundhouse kicked a hobo, you delusional bastard.

5.) Your family personality

If your family is anything like my family (the recipe goes - put 6 nutjobs in a 3 bedroom house together, add a dash of dysfunction and a an utter lack of modesty and you will get the lovable, adorable and comically hilarious Albinson family - seriously we should have our own sitcom, or reality show, but I hate reality T.V.. I forget where I was going with this...)then you can probably just be yourself, because you have forced them into accepting even the parts of you that rival David Hasselhoff. However, most people have to tone down their bizarreness. So you probably can't talk to them about drinking or really any of your Saturday/Friday/Sunday/Thursday/any day that ends in "day" nights. So you can't tell them about your personal life, but you could probably make all of your super inappropriate jokes. So that's cool.

4.) Your friend personality

With these people you can totally talk about your drinking, tell inappropriate jokes, curse, do whatever - except you probably should always wear makeup around them and not walk around topless. If you walk around topless in front of people you don't know so well then they might fine you for public indecency. (Despite what you may think of me, I have never been fined for this so I am unsure if people or the police fine you for this.)

3.) Your best friend personality
You meet up with this person after your date to talk about it. You now go over everything in deep detail about that person. You flesh out what you think his future hopes and dreams will be based on his comment about Pokemon. "Yo, I never really was all that in to Pokemon." Obviously, a man who made the previous comment is a man you can't trust because he hates kittens and everything awesome about life. You can also fart in front of your bff because sometimes that stuff just slips out. When you bend over to pick sugar packets. See on of my previous entries, I won't tell you which one because it is kind of obvious.

2.) Your cat personality

You can poop in front of them. They do it in front of you.

1.) Your alone personality
After you talk about your date, you excuse yourself and now you are alone. When you are alone you can do all of the most weird, disgusting stuff you can't do in front of anyone else - including your cat. Yes, I am talking about watching "All Dogs Go to Heaven." You know you like it, but you can't do that in front of anyone else. Because your embarrassed. Of your terrible taste in movies. (but that is a funny movie. Wait, if you are a potential date then it as absolutely not. Not funny at all. But "The Pebble and The Penguin" is still a funny movie no matter what you say.)