6 Historical Figures I Fell in Love with

There is a slight possibility that I am not particularly open with my emotions. Therefore I have decided to explain the 6 Historical Figures I have fallen in love with and the reasoning behing my love. Consequently, this will probably be my only article that is factually accurate and heavily researched.

6.)Benedict Arnold

Arnold is always getting a bad rap for crossing sides to the British during the revolutionary war, but wouldn't you if you were constantly getting shit on no matter how awesome you fought? Before he switched sides he was kicking some major ass for the Americans, but not only did they pass him over for a promotion, they told him that he actually owed Congress money. This is after he had already spend a crap load of his own money on the war.
He was alos a TOTAL badass when it came to fighting. The most beast battle he ever fought was the Battle of Valcor Island. Now listen to this shit: The British Army was coming after the Americans with this huge navy and the Colonies had pretty much nada. So, like a total badass, Arnold was like "Feck this shit" and pretty much grabbed anything that could float and strapped a cannon to it. Think: the door Kate Winslet is floating on at the end of Titanic - yeah, Arnold grabbed shit like that and strapped a cannon to it.
Obviously he was smart enough to know that cannons attached to doors weren't going to beat the English, these were diversions. He basically led the English on a wild goose chase all around Lake Champlain with pretty much no troups. Now the Colonies totally lost this battle, but by the time the English had won, it was too late and they had to retreat back to Canada. A butload of historians agree that if it wasn't for Arnold and his awsome plan, the British would have invaded America and we would have lost the war. Arnold bought us some major time to gather our troops.
But even after he did awesome stuff like this, we still wouldn't give him a promotion. No wonder he switched to the British who were offereing mad money! Look, some people care about what side you are fighting on and stuff, but I don't know that it would have been that bad if the British had won the war. I mean, hey, we would all have awesome accents. Have you ever noticed that every accent from anywhere sounds awesome but an American accent sounds stupid? I have and it sucks. English come here and they sound smart, we go there and we sound like dickheads. All Arnold was trying to do was make sure we kept the sweet accents. And that, my reader, is why I love him.

5.) Winston Churchill

Look at him when he was younger, wasn't he a cutie?

So not only was he the greatest wartime leader the war has ever seen, but he is also the only British Prime Minister to win the Nobel Prize in Literature. You see, he was also an author and a historian. Not to mention he actually got a size of a cigar named after him. I also read somewhere that he hated math. I do too! We totally would have been a perfect match.

One thing he did that was super awesome and so brave was after he retired from the military, he acted as a war correspondant for some English newspaper in the Second Boer War in 1899. For this he traveled to South Africa where he went on a scouting expedition on some train. Here is where he becomes awesome (remember he wasn't in the military, he was just a journalist at this point) he gets captured and held as a prisoner of war in some prison camp made out of a converted school for girls. Like the badass that he is, he escapes from prision and with the help of some miner dude he travels 300 miles to a Portugese territory. He was supposed to get the British equivalent of the Medal of Honor for this, but they gyped him. Then, instead of going home like normal escaped POW's would do, he decided to stay to continue covering the war.

From there I am sure everyone knows about all the great shit he did, but not only was he a great strategist and an extremely intelligent man, he was also a badass. Who wouldn't love a guy like that?

4.) John Nash

There is the high likely hood that I am actually in love with Russell Crowe's depiction of John Nash in "A Beautiful Mind" rather than the actual John Nash. But the man did create the "Nash Equilibrium" and his advanced work with game theory was the basis for modern economics and the reason he earned the Nobel Prize in 1994. Yes, he did have an intense struggle with Paranoid Schizophrenia, but don't all geniuses have a few flaws? I am sure it made like much more interesting, like a movie.

Apparently he was convinced that men who wore red ties were attempting to usurp the U.S. government and start their own in some sort of political coup. He wrote frantic letters to embassies attempting to explain his fears. His wife admitted him to a hospital for his Schizophrenia but he was released after a while. He then withdrew from his teaching career at MIT. He then "went to Europe, unsuccessfully seeking political asylum in France and East Germany. He tried to renounce his U.S. citizenship. After a problematic stay in Paris and Geneva, he was arrested by the French police and deported back to the United States at the request of the U.S. government."
Ok so most of his badass stuff was made up, but he still was incredibly intelligent and successful and pathetic. How could you not love a man like that?

3.) Martin Luther King Jr.

Maybe I have a thing for Nobel Prize winners, after all 3 of the guys on this list won them including Martin Luther King Jr. who was the youngest person to recieve the Nobel Peace Prize. Now I am sure it is clear to everyone why I love this man. Everyone knows of his awesome deeds, and unlike some of the guys on this list, he was really into peace and stuff. Because of this I wont spend a lot of time on explaining why I love him, but I would like you guys to notice that he was an attractive man. No one ever points that out, but he totally was.

2.) Abraham Lincoln

Even this man's childhood was awesome, he grew up on the American frontier. How amazing would it have been to have been on the cutting edge of exploration. One of the first settlers of the American wilderness. And he was there. He was there for so many amazing moments in American history, as well as created several of them.
He was also 6'4" which means he is as tall as Jason Segal, or the height of that tall dude from "How I Met Your Mother."

I am sure you all know the story about how after becoming the 16th president of the United States the south secession began the civil war. Then came the war and then the Emancipation Proclomation and yada yada yada. You all know the rest and there is no way I could possibly sum up the Civil War and Lincoln's life in a small blurb about my love for him.

I constantly think about what my actions would be if I was in Nazi Germany during WWII. Would I have continued living my life and hoped I didn't get killed? Would I have taken a stand against the Nazis? In all likelyhood I probably would have deserted Eroupe for America and then worked in one of those mills as a Rosey the Riviter type so that I could kinda feel good about myself while the whole time wishing I had the balls to be like that chick in Inglorious Bastards. And this is totally not off topic because I wonder if I was Abe Lincoln if I would have had the balls to free the slaves. Not that I am pro-slavery, but I am a bit selfish and I would would have been far to scared for my own neck to do something for others. And I don't think that this makes me a terrible person at all. I think most people are like this. It is easy to look back and say you would have hid Anne Frank or whatever, but would you really have if you are going to be honest with yourself? I think that I would want to, but I would be way too much of a pussy to actually do it. I'm just being honest here.

And this is why I love Abraham Lincoln. Because he is not a big pussy like me. Plus, when he was younger, he was totally hot.

1.) John Keats

It should come as a surprise to no one that John Keats made number one on this list. I still cry over his death, and that isn't even sarcastic or a joke. He was the greatest poet that every lived, in my opinion, and I think it is incredibly tragic that he died at the young age of 26 in 1821.

"Ode to a Nightengale" is one of the most hauntingly sweet poems I have ever read and it inspired me to actually attempt to get my PhD.

He was never a rich man, but he was still able to enjoy and worship the most beautiful things in life. When reading his poems if almost seems as though you are wading around in the luxoury of his words.

The movie "Bright Star" tells the tale of his life and his one true love Fanny Brawne. What a lucky bitch. I wish I had the greatest poet who ever lived in love with me. When he dies at the end of that movie, I can't stop sobbing for hours. It hits me so hard.

Another great poem of his is "Isabella; or the Pot of Basil." That is one creepy ass poem. Its about this chick who carries around the head of her dead lover in a bot of Basil. Someone should really make a movie out of it with like Jennifer Connelly starring as Isabella or something.

The greatest thing about this guy is that he didn't make his living as a poet, no, he was a doctor. His entire family was sick with consumption, which was incredibly deadly and contagious in that day and instead of running for the hills like most people would have, he stayed and took care of them. He stayed and used his training to ease their pain while watching them die a slow, slow death and the entire time he watched them die, he knew he was going to die the same way. He knew he was going to die of the disease because he was already coming down with it while he was caring for his family. Here is the kicker though, there are plenty of reports that say if John had removed himself from his sick family members when he first fell ill, he would have recovered and lived till who knows when. He choose to stay and take care of his dying family because it was his duty and this is what killed him.

Shortly after the last of his family died, but before he was seriously ill himself, he meets Fanny and they fall madly in love. He writes her all of these beautiful letters that are just hearbreaking. He can't really see her though because he is so ill. Then his friends and the doctors get this idea that John should go to Italy because the warmer weather would make him better. Fanny can't come though because they aren't married and they can't get married because he is in a lower class than her and has no money. Her parents won't let her marry him for that reason, not to mention he is deathly ill. So he goes off to Italy to try and get better and find inspiration. He's thinking in Italy he might get inspired like Lord Byron did and then become a wealthy, healthy poet who can come back and marry Fanny. Then the voyage to Italy was so strenuous on his health he ends up dying in Italy before he can ever see her face again. Fanny never got married.

See? Tragic, right?

Oh man, I love him so much just for his writing talents, but then his bravery in the face of death, well lets just say its overwhelming.