I can respect and admire Shakespeare, but even I have difficulties reading and understanding every single detail and nuance about his work. Which means there is simply no hope for you whatsoever. But you still have to give ol Billy mad props for simply creating the Crap out of words. He isn't pulling some Sarah Palin bullshit, he actually straight-up invented words that we use constantly. I might have already used one so far, I'm not sure because there was over 1,700 ones he created. Insane right? Well I am about to blow your mind because I am going to list all of the crazy ones he created that you probably had no freaking idea weren't, like, always around.
"Who can control his fate?" - Othello in Othello, act 5, sc. II.
Where it came from:
So here is the thing, Shakespeare didn't just willy nilly mash two words together to come up with some hybrid basterdization of the english language like "ridonkulous" which is is the combination of ridiculous and donkey. Why you would want to combine those two words, I am unsure of. I am also unsure what the hell it means. But I digress.
Shakespeare coined this term from the latin terms "contra" (against) and "rotulus" (a dimonstrative of rota or "wheel"), which literally means "against the wheel". This makes sense if you use this meaning in the above sentence. Othello is asking if he is able to determine his own fate. Wheels where a very common image for depicting fate in this time period. And so Othello is asking if he is able to go against the wheel of fate in motion, esentially determining his own outcome.
Why it's important now:
Genius, pure genius, especially because somehow this all let to the remote control which is honestly God's gift to man.
"Hold, there is forty ducats. Let me have A dram of poison, such soon-speeding gear As will disperse itself through all the veins That the life-weary taker may fall dead, And that the trunk may be discharged of breath As violently as hasty powder fired Doth hurry from the fatal cannon's womb. " - Romeo in Romeo and Juliet, act 5 sc. I.
Where it came from:
Shakespeare used this word a bunch of times, which is why it is so hard to pinpoint a single quote used. It is thought to come from "hurren" which in Middle Europe (the etyomology dictionaries I looked through didn't specify a certain language "hurren" came from though the Oxford English Dictionary implied Duestchland, the same wonderful place that gave us tulips, clogs, and Amsterdam) meant "to vibrate rapibly, buzz." Shakespeare took this meaning and developed "hurry" as rapid movement. Though, some etyomologists believe it is derived from the Swedish "hurra" (to whirl around) which is where "hurl" developed from. However, except from the above quote, the Shakespearian use of "hurry" does not necessarily involve objects in air, nor does it in modern context. Therefore it is most likely a modification of "hurren."
Why it's important now:
Because what eles would you say while someone is trying to diffuse a bomb. "Hurry up!" is clearly the best answer.
Lonely
"My hazards still have been your solace: and
Believe't not lightly--though I go alone,
Like to a lonely dragon, that his fen
Makes fear'd and talk'd of more than seen--your son
Will or exceed the common or be caught
With cautelous baits and practise." - Coriolanus in Coriolanus, act IV, sc. I.
This is the first recorded use of this word and though it might only be lone+ly, you still have to give Shakey mad props for making this a common English word. I try to use this trick constantly and it never catches on. The other day I used the word gluteny in a sentence and the people around me were like "What? Gluttony?" And I was like "No, gluteny, as in filled with gluten, a protein found in wheats." And they were like "What?" And I was like "Just use it from now on." And they were like "No." And I was like "Oh."
Why it's important now:
Obvi because the above dude would have no way to express how emo he is. And don't even get me started on be nice to lonely people because you have to read the profile above and realize how much of a douche this guy is. I found him on OKcupid and he sent me this message:
Yes, this guy told me that he liked is men like he likes his coffee: Black. Really, a great way to show you are interested in a girl.
Also, lonely is an important word because it allows Kim Jong Il to express how lonely he is:
Lodg'd in the abbey; where the reverend abbot,
With all his convent, honourably receiv'd him;"
Where it came from:
According to the Oxford English Dictionary Shakespeare developed the above use of the word "road" (meaning path on which one traveled) from the word "rode" (the action of riding or related senses). Billy Bob here wanted to convey not only the easy path which the man took, but also that the act of riding on them was easy as well. He wanted to ensure the audience was aware that it was an all around pleasant and easy trip. Unfortunately in prose you don't always have time to spell it out for the audience like I just did so Billy thought to himself, "Why, I'll just invent a new word and everyone will know what I mean." Unfortunately for Billy, no one really knows what he means half the time anyway so it was probably completely lost until now. Your welcome Billy.
There is also the unfortunate problem that Billy's audience was drunkards and prostitutes, meaning they wouldn't know if he made up a word or if the word was already there, because they didn't speak real English. And, before you even attempt to protest this, I must tell you Cockney rhyming slang is not real English. A language where you get Hampsteads means teeth because of Hampsteads Heath and than that rhymes with teeth is not a real language.
Why its important now:
Hello, have you been alive in the last 100 years? People say the word road constantly. I live on a road. We don't say "Path" or any bullshit like that. Think of all of the changes in childhood icons. No more "Yellow Brick Road" or "Roadrunner" or "Road to Eldorado" (which was actually an awesome movie that I wish I watch soon). There would be no "Abbey Road," "On the Road," or "The Road." No "road-rage," and we all know that is what we would miss the most.
Note: "On the Road" and "The Road" are VERY different books despite the title having a difference of only one word. The former is a coming of age tale of a road trip across America as well as the hipster bible, and the other is an apocolyptic novel drugging the depths of human darkness. I found this out the hardway while reading "The Road" and believing I was reading the other. Needless to say I could not figure out why in a story about a road trip there wasn't even a car and lots of cannibalism.
What's really cool about Billy Bob is that he also invented phrases that we use all the freaking time as well.
"If it be so, sir, that you are the man
Must stead us all and me amongst the rest,
And if you break the ice and do this feat,
Achieve the elder, set the younger free
For our access, whose hap shall be to have her
Will not so graceless be to be ingrate."
- Tranio in Taming of the Shrew, act I, sc II
Where it came from:
Most people's complete knowledge of Taming of the Shrew comes from Ten Things I Hate About You, and while that is very entertaining and Heath Ledger looks AMAZINGLY hot in it, it's not exactly accurate.
Above: Hot Guy?
However, it is accurate enough to get the point of this quote across. In the quote abouve Tranio (the guy equivalent to the Douchey modeling guy) has just been convinced by Hortensio (The adorable, vest-wearing Joseph Gordon Levitt) to fund Petruchio's (Heath Ledger) courtship of Katherine (That blonde girl who looks like she has down syndrom) because then her little sister Bianca (The hot sister) will be available to be wed. Make sense? Better, because I am not going through that one again. Anywhoo, Tranio then says to Petruchio the above quote, and when he says "break the ice" they aren't thinking what we mean, they are thinking that Kate is an ice cold bitch and they have to litterally break her like you would a horse. Petruchio is determined to do it because, frankly, he will do anything for some pun-tang and some mula.
Note: Shakespeare also invented the word pun-tang.
Why it's important now:
How many "ice breakers" do you hear all the time? They invented games to break the ice, and I am not talking about the one featured above (although that one is awesome), I am talking about the ones where you go around in a circle and have to say your dream car or something ridiculous like that. Imagine if Liam here didn't write this, there would be no more really awkward moments the first day of class, no way for your teacher to single you out as a trouble maker when you say "a Kia" is your dream car.
There would also no longer be any wonderful one liners and bad jokes, like this one:
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
Oh man, 0h man. Those are classic.
Catch a Cold
"Why, that’s certain. 'Tis dangerous to catch a cold, to sleep, to drink; but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety."
- Hotspur in Henry IV Part 1, act 2, sc III.
Where it came from:
So the set up here is Hotspur comes up with a plan and someone is like, "Naw, trick, that be dangerous." And Hotspur is like "Bitch, pleezz, e'rythang be dangerous. Getting a cold is danger, sleepin' be dangerous. Damn, even drankin be dangers. Hold up tho, if my plan gets yo stupid ass outta trouble then we goin ta straight up pick a flower, cuz' that shit be safe."
Why it's important now:
You say I "caught a cold" every time you call in sick to your boss. You know you do, because if you told him you had a stomach virus he would know the truth, you are hungover. I find the best way to lie and get your boss to believe you is to go for something really embaressing that he figures you wouldn't say if it wasn't true. Such things as, I ripped one of my intestineds, I have explosive diarehha, I ate some fukku. These are all things no one is going to question, simply because no one is ever going to want to hear the details of that shit. Or maybe you really did catch a cold. That is also a probability.
"The naked truth of it is, I have no
shirt. I go woolward for penance."
-Don Armando in Love's Labour's Lost, act 5, sc. II.
Where it came from:
In this quote Shakey uses the phrase as a pun because the dude didn't have a shirt. Get it? Haha. But, what is really interesting about this quote is that Billy here only put into words an image that had been around for centuries.
See the image above? Well it is called "Calumny of Appelles" and it was painted by Boticelli. Alright so get ready for some original Ana theorizing here, straight from the two semesters I skeeted by in Shakespeare and the one semester of Art History where I pretty much blew my instrutor's mind.
The above image was widely circurculated in Shakespeare's time as it was made in the Rennaisance and so it was finished in 1494ish. Anywho, Boticelli painted this image directly of off a description this other dude saw of a painting called "Calumny." While no one really know whats the original Calumny looked like or whatever, we have this guy, Appelles' description of it:
"On the right of it sits a man with very large ears, almost like those of Midas, extending his hand to Slander while she is still at some distance from him. Near him, on one side, stand two women—Ignorance, I think, and Suspicion. On the other side, Slander is coming up, a woman beautiful beyond measure, but full of passion and excitement, evincing as she does fury and wrath by carrying in her left hand a blazing torch and with the other dragging by the hair a young man who stretches out his hands to heaven and calls the gods to witness his innocence. She is conducted by a pale ugly man who has piercing eye and looks as if he had wasted away in long illness; he may be supposed to be envy. Besides, there are two women in attendance on Slander, egging her on, tiring [dressing] her and tricking her out. According to the interpretation of them given me by the guide of the picture, one was Treachery and the other Deceit. They were followed by a woman dressed in deep mourning, with black clothes all in tatters—Repentance, I think her name was. At all events, she was turning back with tears in her eyes and casting a stealthy glance, full of shame, at Truth, who was approaching."
So, you can see that the naked bitch is clearly supposed to be Truth. Shakespeare lived in a time where paintings from the Renn Fest were deeply revered and though you couldn't just look them up on google, there were still reproductions in engravings and etchings being passed around, as well as the descriptions being way more detailed than the one above. My theory is that my old friend Billy totes McGoats saw the picture, or a version of it and when he was writing is play later he was all like "Truth is totally a naked lady. haha." So then he used the words "naked truth" as both a pun as well as a reference to the Boticelli painting.
And what?!
Why it's important now:
This is the section where I am supposed to list all the famous things this phrase is in, but instead I am going to discuss Leslie Neilson. He is the only comedian who can take a terrible joke and make it hysterical by doing nothing other than just reading it aloud. This is why Naked Gun really deserves more consideration in pop culture. It is a hysterical movie. No one ever mentions it though. I just don't understand. Really, Leslie Neils and Shakespeare are like two peas in a pod.
The Best Thing about William Shakespeare:
Want to know why no one really thinks he is a real person? Because the name William Shakespeare, in his time, literally meant "Penis Masterbation." Look at it. It totally does mean that. It would be the modern equivalent of "Dick Jackoff." No one would take a guy named that seriously at all. But everyone knows Willy was a dirty old pervert and half of his shows, even the "serious" ones, were chock full of dirty, dirty jokes. Maybe that was because his audience was full of whores.
OK, that dudes profile was scary...but, I think his message to you was beautiful. I don't think he was saying he liked his men like his coffee. I think was was quoting you.
ReplyDeleteI love this whole post.
Just FYI: I have no where in my profile that I like my men like I like my coffee: black. I have never said that. Especially because I don't even like black coffee. I like coffee with cream and splenda and maybe a pump of sugerfree vanilla syrup with a dash of real cinnamon. Damnit woman! now I want coffee.
ReplyDelete