9 things every woman does, but no one admits to.

This article/post will gross you out, just fyi.

So this morning I discovered that I was getting even more facial hair. It was quite tragic, but no fears, I nipped it in the butt right away. But because Rhett, my mustache's name, is becomeing quite problematic I needed to confide in my roommate Cat. When I told her about the tragedy we got to talking and I realized that this wasn't unique to me, every girl has issues like me, just no one ever talks about it. Well that ends here. I will talk about all the gross stuff no one talks about, but wants to.


9.)Picks their nose

Weirdly enough, this is not the first post I have had that mentions picking your nose, nor will it be the last. This goes to number nine because it isn't just women who do this, men do it as well. It does seem like women are much less likely to admit to it though. I have never seen a problem with nose picking, I quite enjoy it actually and I believe everyone should be able to pick their nose whenever they feel like.

8.)Eats weird food

So maybe you wouldn't be extreme enough to eat the above foods, especially in their featured state, but odds are that you have at one point in time (an probably more than once) eated a piece of popcorn that fell down your shirt at the movies. Or something similar to that. All girls want to pretend that they don't eat as gross of things as guys would, but we do when we think no one is watching. I can't even begin to count the number of times I have eaten food off of the floor. And maybe I am not norm, but I know Cat is and I have definitely seen her eat food that fell on the couch.

And when a girl gets drunk? Well she will eat almost anything in almost any condition. As long as she thinks no one is watching, but even if someone is she might not care. Let's no longer be ashamed of this girls. Dwight Schrute believes that the more you expose yourself to germs, the stronger your immune system will become. Now there isn't any scientific evidence to support this, but I think that you will find it is true. I might be exception to this though because I am always sick. So is Cat.

7.)Pop their blisters / Pick their scabs

When I pop a blister or pick a scab, or even pop a pimple, I think it is one of the most satisfying feelings ever. In fact I have some pretty infected cuts on my legs because everytime a scab forms, I can't help but pick it off. Picking the dead skin off of a healing blister is super satisfying as well. Don't take my word for it, go a head and do it yourself. But I know you already have, and I know you enjoyed it. Because it feels sooo good.

6.)Gets their Period

You may say, "Duh! Of course every girl gets her period!" And its true, at least I am like 83% sure all girls get their period. But I am not talking about that, I am talking abotu the fact that no one ever talks about it. We should embrace our periods women! Like in the above picture, we should show a little appreciate, possibly with hugging your tampons, it depends on if you are into that or not. So maybe their might be the inconvenience of pads and tampons and cramping, but think about it this way: You get to wear really comfy granny panties, you don't really have to shave your legs, drugs can take care of the pain, you can eat all the chocolate you want, and you get to be a huge bitch to the male population with the perfect excuse.

Basically you can let go of all the crazy you have been bottling up the past month and spew it out to whatever guy comes a long and blame PMS. They will just take it too because they are so uncomfortable with talking about periods.

Which leads me to another point, the not talking about periods and the euphamisims (sp?). Why do girls not talk to each other about their periods more? And why use all euphamisims to avoid talking about it? Now some are awesome like "the crimson wave," but others are stupid like "that time of the month." I realize "period" is one of euphamisims and the correct term is "menstration," but "period" is the vernacular term so its not as stupid as "that time of the month." Anyways, talk about your menstration, women. I sure talk about mine. It might make Cat uncomfortable, but then half the things I do make Cat uncomfortable.

5.)Chew their cuticles

Man, oh man am I bad at this. My cuticles look so bad that when I took my little sister to get a manicure and they badgered me into getting one as well, they took one look at my nails and told me no. That's right, they ask me to get a manicure and when I finally give in they think my nails are so awful that they refuse to give me one. I didn't care so much, but that little anicdote gives you a good idea of how messed up my nails and cuticles are. Thing is, everyone bites their cuticles. You do so don't deny it.

You might say, "Ana, picking your nose is way grosser than biting your cuticles so why is this so high up on the list?" I will tell you why, because when you biting your cuticles you are cannablizing yourself. Yup. You know you have swallowed little bits of your skin and so technically you ate yourself. Weird huh? Thing is, I know this, yet I still choose to do it. You probably will as well. You just can't help yourself you sick, sick fool.


4.) Likes the taste of their own blood

So I am talking about when you prick yourself and you get a little bit of blood swelling up on the tip of your finger, just like in the picture above, what do you do? I'll tell you. You suck the blood away. Don't try and tell me it's because you don't want the blood to smear or some stupid excuse like that. I know really, truly why you do it. You do it because you like drinking your own blood. Just a little. Its the same as will the cannablism. You eat your own flesh and drink your own blood and it is because you like it. It's totally gross and totally normal. Don't worry. You are not alone in this. I like the metallic, salty taste of my own blood as well. Now, it's not like I am going to go fill a glass of my blood and drink it, that would be strange, I simply just lick it up if I so happen to get a cut. And I never have more than even half of a drop. Besides I don't think you really could drink a glass of your own blood if you wanted too. The human body automatically regurgitates your stomach contents if you ingest more than one pint of blood. But that is the maximum, most humans are unable to consume even that much before our stomachs feel the need to purge themselves. And besides, you are probably full after eating all of that flesh off your cuticles.

Ever notice how flesh sounds more disturbing than skin?

3.)Groom their facial hair

I am not Italian, and I am pretty sure that I have no Italian in me what-so-ever as evidenced by the fact that evn though I took almost two years of Italian in college I can barely speak a lick of it. However, I sure have the facial hair of an Italian, and Italian man that is. I swear to God that I have more of a mustache than my 15, almost 16 year old brother. While I was doing my daily trimming of said mustache and previously unreported unibrow, I discovered something so horrifying, so disturbing that if you have a weak heart I suggest you stop reading this right now. I discovered muttonchops.

Thats right folks, I have mutton chops. No worries though, I went Rambo on my facial hair with a pair of scissors this morning so that there should be nothing there anymore. But if I stopped trimming and plucking for only one week, I swear I would look like the doppleganger of civil war general Ambrose Burnside.

"Ambrose Burnside"

Yes I would indeed look like the man who invented sideburns. (Little know fact: the name "sideburns" is actually a corruptions of "Burnside" which the facial hair is named after.) The worst part is? I can't nair them because the nair will actually burn my skin off before it removes the hair. I can't wax because it grows back so fast I would have to wax every other day and I don't have that kind of money. This means I have to trim my hair with scissors every morning. It is quite depressing.

So my shame should make it easier for the rest of the female population to be more upfront about the facial hair you have to trim. I know you have something, whether it be a mole that has some strange hairs sprouting, or muttonchops like me, don't feel too bad about your facial hair.

2.)Groom their boob / weird body hair

Don't worry, that is a man's nipple. But you girls know that you get hairs on your nipples. I do. Carla on Scrubs does. It happens. The only shame would be if you didn't get rid of them.

And you probably have weird patchs of hair on other parts of your body, or for that matter a lack of hair. I personally have hairy knuckles and toes that I have to shave. It's disturbing, but I take care of it. And I hope you take care of your shit too.

1.)Poops/farts

Half the reason this one got number 1 was because of the awesome toilet house picture I found. Really though, it's sweet.

The other half of the reason I made this number one was because I have heard so many times from guys, "Girls don't poop."

Yes we do. And to deny us that is just wrong. What? Do you want us to be constipated our entire lives? That wont be pleasant for either sex.

My little sister had a friend once who really didn't poop for like 3 months or something and she got so sick. Think about what a trash can smells like in 98 degree weather. It smells bad because all that crap is going rotten and rancid in the heat. Now imagine that trash in your body sitting in 98 degrees for more than a day. It's gross right? That is why it is much less gross to poop. At least that way the trash is out of your body, not in it.

So you poop, I poop, everybody poops. And shame on men for making women feel like their normal, healthy bodily functions make them less attractive. Its not like unwanted hair where there is a quick fix to get rid of the unattractiveness. Pooping is okay. Its normal and it's good for you.