My Wedding

It has recently come to my attention that my friends and I are closing in on the marrying age. And while I find the idea of being married anytime in the near future absolutely repulsive, I have begun to make a few preparations for the big day.

I am not talking about crazy stuff here, I am simply talking about planning the ceremony, which will be centered around yours truly.

Even though I am not even close to finding a guy to marry, I have planned out the part where normal people would be walking down the aisle. Since most of you who are my readers will be a part of the ceremony in some way I will inform you how it is going to go down.

First of all my wedding will be on a boat, even if it is a garbage boat, it must be on a boat.
Second of all the ceremony will not be at an altar, or a church, it will be on a stage. Proscenium arch and all.

It will begin with my bridesmaids, dressed as in the picture below:

Yeah, you should thank me, because you all will be looking FIERCE!
They will begin by dancing down the aisles with the grooms men, who will just wear normal tuxedos, to the song "Moondance" by Van Morrison. Don't worry, I already have it choreographed.

They will reach the stage just about the time the song ends, and FLASH! Pyrotechnics go off - but wait - glitter rain downs from the ceiling a la Moulin Rouge style as I make my entrance slowly descending from the ceiling in a giant birdcage. I begin to sing "Somebody to Love" by Queen, the whole time I remain in the birdcage. I cannot reveal my wedding dress at this time. That will remain a surprise.

Once the song is over, my husband rises up out of the ground, releases me from the birdcage, and then we begin to sing a spunky duet of "Baby, I know it's true" by Hellogoodbye.

Next A priest swings in via Tarzan Rope, and wait, it's my brother (he happens to be ordained) and he reads us the vows. Instead of answering the traditional way, my husband and I reply by singing "I Do" by 98 Degrees.

You thought it was the last song, you thought it was over, no no no. Next thing you know you are surrounded by a Chorus of black gospel singers who join those in the wedding party for a very soulful rendition of "I'm on a Boat" by The Lonely Island.

The Pyrotechnics go off again and everyone who was previously singing is gone. It's now time for the reception. Just wait to see what I have in store for that.