Ching Chong Ping Pong

So many people are aware of my weird and intense passion for salt. Well that love is carried over into soy sauce. Oh I could drink an entire Kikoman bottle of soy sauce if my friends didn't constantly deem it "inappropriate." They never let me have any fun. You know what would be a great money making scheme? Me taking bets from my friends over how much soy sauce I could drink.

If anyone would like to place a wager I would be happy to attempt the feat. Especially if I was able to pick the day that I could chug the elixer from heaven. When I am hungover, oh nothing seems too ridiculous to eat.

What if I mixed soy sauce and sake and drank that? Oh I bet that shet would be delicious. As many of you know, I like to keep the ingredients for sake bombs on hand in my apartment at all times. It is EXTREMELY important that I am able to do a sake bomb every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. So what if I mixed it up this time and did a sake soy bomb! ohhhh I bet it would taste like buddha (I assume that buddha tastes very delicious).

But, I digress from my original point. Which was my love of soy sauce. To many people it seems a little contradictory that I love soy sauce and sake bombs, but I dislike Asians. Now let me clear this up for once and all. I DO NOT dislike Asians. I dislike China, and I don't even dislike all of China. I only dislike very specific aspects of China and I will list them all out for you here:

-Their government & lack of free speech.
-Anime
-Hello Kitty
-The weird ass meats that they eat.
-Those weird coffee shops where there are like 50 cats walking around.
-Their obsession with Ping Pong
-The crazy high population

I am sorry if you found that offensive, but I am not even gonna try to pretend like this blog is politically correct.

But their are somethings I love about China, mostly the weird stories my friend Chen Wang Pang tells me about her time in China. Yes her last name is Wang Pang, and that is one of the reasons why I love China, is that they have last names that just play into the racist stereotypes. Like the one that goes "You know how Chinese people name their kids? They drop a spoon down the stairs and the noises it makes on the way down become the kid's name" Wang Pang Ching Chong Ping Pong Shrimp Fried Rice.

But Asians really do have THE BEST NAMES! My favorite one comes from this guy who I work with. His name is, and this is seriously and literally his name, Phat Dong.

I feel like every man in America wishes that was his name.

I googled "Funny Chinese Pictures" and the below picture of a t-shirt came up. I really think I should buy this for Phat Dong because It would be HYSTERICAL when he wore it.