Monday list of Hate

Since I have actually been doing work all day long I have unfortunately been unable to update my blog today. But don't worry my readers, this just means that you will have tons of awesome pictures throughout the rest of the week.

But, because it is Monday, here is my hate list for this week:

10. The Chinese Government.
Do I really need to explain this one? The best thing China ever did was give the US the plot line for Mulan, which in turn produced one of the greatest songs ever made: Make a man out of you. I love me some Donny Osmond.

9. When other people have fun while I am forced to do something boring.
If you had more fun then me, I really DO NOT want to hear about it. Just shut up and let me go on living in denial .

8. When people give me answers to the crossword puzzle.
This is not a two person activity. I don't want to hear what you have to say.

7. Gwyenth Paltrow
You can just look at this betch's face and know that she thinks she is better than you. With her stupid hair and her stupid husband. She is about as Aryan as you can get. I mean she married the lead singer of Coldplay for God's sake. Whore.

6. Blisters on the bottom of your feet.
Then you have to pop them, and while this can be fun and satisfying, you without a doubt forget to grab a cloth or something to wipe the juice coming out with. Now you have to go get a cloth but because the blister is on the bottom of your foot you are getting the juice all over the floor. Then when all the juice is out, your foot is still sore because there is only a thin layer of dead skin protecting the new skin. Hey body! I would rather just use a freakin bandaid. You unhelpful son of a shitcock.

5. Time's 100 Most Influential People of 2010.
Mostly I am just furious at Time for not naming me number 1. Who is Oprah? No one has ever heard of Oprah. Now Ana? Yeah, everyone knows who Ana is.

4. Kangaroos
I know I may seem like the most logical, rational person ever, but I have a deep seeded hatred for Kangaroos that is really unexplainable. I think its their pouches. That's just disturbing. I think about if I had a giant pocket on my stomach, permanently attached, would I put my spawn in there? Hell no, I would put my shet in there so I would never have to carry a purse again. I dislike all animals that aren't inherently selfish. I think that is why I hate kangaroos.

3. When people open their mouths while they are chewing.
If you do this, you are disgusting. Nothing is less appetizing (except for chocoteeth) than watching someone eat with their mouth open. It is actually repulsive.

2. Lefty Standers
This is especially annoying at stations like Dupont Circle, Adams Morgan and Friendship Heights, where the escalators are so incredibly long that if you don't walk down/up them you will spend 10 minutes riding them. So I HATE it when lefty standers make it so that I can't walk down/up. And what I hate even more are the lefty standers that actually give me attitude when I tell them to move. You are ruining my day. RUINING MY DAY.

1. Chocoteeth
So those who know me know that I find poop to be pretty hysterical. One might even say my sense of humor is on par with a 5 year old boy when it comes to poop jokes. But I accidentally stumbled upon a poop joke that is so incredibly disturbing and disgusting that I puked a little when I saw it. If you google Chocoteeth, you will come upon a video of a man actually brushing his teeth with his own poop. This is one of the few times that I am ashamed of a poop joke. So incredibly repulsive.