"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)






Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A whole world of crazy.


I feel like this just cant be me, but why does it seem like most bosses are the biggest idiots. I just wonder how they got in such positions of power when it seems like they have no idea what they are doing. ever.


I don't understand how one boss in particular could have such an incredible lack of understanding about technology that he can barely send emails when we live in such a technology oriented world.


One of my biggest pet peeves is when people type on the keyboard like their fingers are chickens pecking for corn on the ground. You know exactly what I am talking about.


Its not the 80's anymore you either need to adapt or retire.


I hate Old Farts. I solemly swear that when I am that old, I will never let myself get out of touch with the new inventions and such. I will never be borderline senile and annoy the shit out of my employees.


Well on the brightside, he is fun to make fun of.


Now that I am finally working, I have found a whole new appreciation for TV shows like "The Office" because they are actually pretty realistic. I feel like Jim surrounded by a whole world of crazy, only without a cute receptionist to flirt with. Why aren't there more male receptionists?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Crap I want to do before I turn 30.

Feel free to add ideas and what not. I have eight and a half years to do this crap but some of these are very intense so I have to get started. I want to accomplish one of these this week. I will probably go with "Eat a completely raw steak" because that seems the most tangible right now. That or get a massage.

1. Run a marathon.

2. Visit the 7 Wonders of the World (and the Pyramids of Giza)

a. Christ the Redeemer Statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

b. The Great Wall of China (yes - I will actually visit China, no - I will not bring my cat.)

c. The Colosseum, Rome, Italy

d. Petra, Jordan

e. Machu Picchu, Peru

f. Chichen Itza, Mexico - DONE!

g. Taj Mahal, India

h. The Great Pyramids of GIza, Egypt

3. See Greek Ruins

4. Sky Dive

5. Live outside of MD/DC/VA

6. Learn how to Tango

7. Go on a cross-country road trip with friends

8. Visit a Castle

9. Write a book

10. Go to the Louvre

11. Go hunting

12. Climb a big-ass mountain

13. Live at sea for a month or longer

14. Get a professional massage

15. Meet and marry the love of my life

16. Adopt a child

17. Drive a race car

18. Experience Mardi Gras

19. Make-out with a celebrity

20. Go skiing

21. Learn how to shoot a gun

22. Save somebody's life

23. Own a house/property

24. Get a mustache tattooed on my finger

25. Be on a gameshow

26. Drive a motorcycle

27. Do something that terrifies me (I haven't figured out what this is yet.)

28. Eat a completely raw steak

29. Throw the first pitch at an MLB game

30. Learn to fly a plane.

I am a Chola. Or at least more Chola than Miley.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Part I

Somewhere, out in space, the farthest space from Planet U.S.A. (that's what I like to call "Earth"), there was this pretty cool little planet that was a lot like Planet U.S.A., except for one thing, everyone there had Powers. There were actually two kinds of Powers that you could be born with, you either had Magical Powers or Super Powers.

Magical Powers were powers that involved doing crap like levetation, turning crap into other crap, turning yourself into an animal, living for longer, reading peoples mind, etc. Basically Magical Powers were the kind of powers that people think witches and werewolves and other magical creatures have. Get it?

Super Powers were the kind of powers that superheroes have. You know, superstrength, flying, x-ray vision, superspeed, superreflexes. This is not a hard concept to understand. So, if you don't get it, stop trying.

I bet you think I am going to say that the two groups hated each other. Nope. They actually got along really well. This isn't going to be a Romeo and Juliet kind of story here, although there was a boy and a girl and they loved each other. The boy, Valiant, had Magical Powers, and the girl, Jubilee, had Super Powers.

They grew up together and were good old pals. And they loved each other very much. Not romantically, but the kind of love that is built on respect, trust, and acceptence of another person. Not the kind of love that is built on lust. They loved each other deeply, but for who each other were. See? Not Romeo and Juliet. Especially because their friendship was not only accepted by everyone else, but encouraged.

What makes these two special (besides their obvious special powers), what makes up the plot of this little diddy, is that eventually the two decided to get married. And when they had a child, it was the first child in the history of that Planet to have both Super Powers and Magical Powers. This child's name was John. His parents were not very creative. No one called him John though. Everyone called him Buster. He always hated both John and Buster as names though and instead secretly always wanted to be called Cobra because it sounded so badass. But I digress.

So Buster was pretty special, the only thing was that his 'rents were so worried about creepy, white haired scientists taking over the kid who had both powers, that they never let him do shet.

You see, usually when a person with Magical Powers and a person with Super Powers had kids, the kid would only get one set of Powers. It was pretty much a toss up about which set he would get, but no one ever got both. Sometimes the kids would get no Powers, but those kids were always really sick anyways so they usually died out before they turned 5.

Buster's parents, Valiant and Jubilee, told everyone that Buster happened to be one of those kids that had no Powers and that he was all sick and you know what so he had to be kept home and watched over. Buster became this planet's version of a bubble boy. And he lived out his life fine because even though his parents kept him secluded, they loved him, and yadda yadda yadda you know all about that sappy bullshit, I don't have to write it down. And people stopped caring what happend to Buster because they thought he didn't have any Powers, so when he lived to be older than most, no one really noticed.

On Buster's 18th birthday he got all pissy at his parents because he pretty much wanted to get laid and they never even let him meet another girl. So he tells his parents that they have to let him go or he was going to break free. They tell him no, and he gets so angry that he pretty much explodes with energy and burns his house down. Then when his parents are still in awe of Buster's power and whatnot, Buster makes a break for it and runs away.

End of Part I, look for Part II very soon.

Sunburnt.

I am sunburnt. It hurts as though Zeus himself was throwing thousands of mid-size lightening bolts towards me. Every slight movement feels as though a hundred of these previously described midsize lightening bolts was piercing through my skin. They penetrate my outershell, my membraine which before seems completely unpenetrable. I am no castle, but a woman. Who knew a lack of sunscreen would bring on new views of mortality and weakness.

Yes, if there were such things as vampires, I would change myself.

I would never have to worry about sunscreen again.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A-town down

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have been actually working at this thing I do called a job. And at night I have been preoccupied with reading every single Sookie Stackhouse novel before this season's premier of True Blood (so freaking excited). Yes, I know I get a little obsessed with T.V., but I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with watching every season of a T.V. show in one sitting. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Well the point of this entry was to let you know what for a little while I will not have the time to post. My pregger boss just went out on maternity leave and my boss's boss's secretary (I realize this is confusing) has her last day on Wednesday. So pretty much I am assuming both of their responsibilities and it's a little overwhelming.

And while my boss hasn't had her baby yet, she has stopped coming into the office to work. I was thoroughly disappointed when I realized that I would not engage in the heroic act of racing her to the hospital when she went into labor during work. I thought if I did something especially honorable or brave she might even name her baby after me. Ana if it is a girl and Stan if it is a boy. Or Bernie would work if it was a boy too (When I was still in my mom they thought I was a dude and so my parents were going to name me Bernie. When I came out, SURPRISE, all woman!). I realize this is a little Michael Scott-esque, but he was a relatively successful person so I don't seen any reason not to emulate him.

And don't try and tell me that Michael Scott isn't a real person. Have you seen "The Office," it's obviously a documentary.

Anyways, I will try to post again as soon as I can (ASAIC, just doesn't have the same ring to it that ASAP does), but I can't make any promises.

Peace, Love, A-town down.