"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)






Monday, May 17, 2010

Damnit! I guess Ella Lynne is out the window.

According to this article, Sookie is the 14th most used baby name for girls. Are you freaking kidding me? What the hell is wrong with people! Why in the world are you naming your CHILDREN, not your pets or stuffed animals, but your CHILDREN after a fictional character in a t.v. show. And it's not even a normal name, it's a super weird name to begin with.

Not to mention apparently you all have ruined the girls name I have had picked out for years, Ella. I can't name my child something normal. My child has to be named something weird like me.

You know what? NO MORE BABY TALK. It is making me a little, actually, very nauseous.

Ok we are allowed to talk about the weirdest baby names ever. I have done some googling and found the weirdest names.

4real Superman Wheaton

4real Superman Wheaton was born in February 2008. The New Zealand court has taken issue with his name because numerals are not allowed in names. The parents, however, are debating this law. If they cannot name him 4real, they will make his name "Superman," officially, but friends and family will call him "4real." They were inspired when they saw the baby for the first time under the ultra-sound and discovered he was "for real!"[1]

GoldenPalaceDotCom Silverman

GoldenPalaceDotCom Silverman is a $15,000 name. The Internet casino GoldenPalace.com bought the name on eBay from expecting parents, and got more than it paid for in media attention. The branded baby was born in May, 2005. Actually, the little guy was not the first GoldenPalaceDotCom, a mother of five, Terri Illigan, sold her naming rights for $15,199, and changed her name to GoldenPalace.com, as well.[1]

Savior God Scientist Allah

Savior God Scientist Allah was the name of a 16-month old Michigan boy. Unfortunately, he died after falling from a seventh story window on April 20, 2006.[1]

Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen Zappa

Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen Zappa is the youngest child of Frank Zappa. Her siblings are Moon Unit Zappa, Dweezil Zappa and Ahmet Zappa. Apparently, she was screaming louder than any other baby in the nursery, and that's how she got the name "Diva." And I suppose "thin muffins" make you scream, too. [1]

Espn Malachi McCall

Espn Malachi McCall (pronounced "Espen"), born in August 2001, is the youngest of three children in the world known to be named ESPN. Like Espn Curiel in Corpus Christi, and Espn Blondeel in Michigan, McCall's parents are sports fans. His middle name means a biblical messenger of God, so they sometimes call him "the sports messenger." If they have another son, they will name him Fox Sports McCall.[1] y mama ween

Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K.

Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K., pronounced, "Your Highness," was born in February of 2003 to Evelyn and Kendall. This name is (in case you missed it) a reference to the illicit drug ketamine. [1]


Lleieusszuieusszesszes Willihiminizisteizzi Hurrizzissteizzi

Lleieusszuieusszesszes Willihiminizisteizzi Hurrizzissteizzi was a resident of Los Angeles; appears in Robert Ripley's second Believe It or Not! (1948).[1]

Dick Assman

Dick Assman is a Canadian service station owner. His name propelled him to international celebrity status in 1995, after David Letterman discovered him. On the show, Joe Namath declared himself an "Ass-maniac" and Tony Orlando performed a musical tribute. Afterwards, Assman received a number of contracts for commercial appearances, as well as many marriage proposals. Who doesn't want to be Mrs. Assman?[1]

Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116

Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (pronounced Albin) was a name given to a child by the parents of a Swedish family, which they described as "a pregnant, expressionistic development that we see as an artistic creation." The name was rejected by a Swedish court and they were charged a fine. The child’s name was later changed to A (also pronounced Albin), but this too was rejected. On his first passport, the boy's name reads "Icke namngivet gossebarn," meaning "unnamed little boy."[1]

@

@ was the name that a Chinese couple attempted to give their child in August 2007. Li Yuming, the deputy chief of the State Language Commission, did not say if officials accepted the name. The Chinese, though familiar with the @ symbol, often use the English "at" to sound it out. With a drawn out "T" is sounds something like "ai ta," or "love him," in Mandarin.

found these names here

Here are some great Celebrity Names:

#20.
Kal-El

Child Of: Nicolas Cage

Fun Fact No. 1: Nic Cage likes comics.
Fun Fact No. 2: Nic changed his last name from Coppola to Cage in honor of Marvel character Luke Cage.
Fun Fact No. 3: He named his kid Kal-El after Superman.
Fun Fact No. 4: Why didn't he name his kid Luke?

#19.
Pilot Inspektor

Child Of: Jason Lee

Jason Lee is a pretty funny dude. Maybe, you've seen a Kevin Smith movie or the first season of My Name Is Earl. Maybe, sometimes he should stop trying to be so funny, like when he named his kid "Pilot."

Why "Pilot?" Because he heard a song by the band Grandaddy (called "He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot"). If the man had just waited for eight more tracks on the same album he could have named him E. Knievel Interlude which is equally ridiculous, but in a far more awesome way.

#18.
Fifi Trixibelle

Child Of: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates

The Irish singer and songwriter Geldof named his daughter Fifi after his aunt, and his wife was fascinated with the lifestyles of southern belles, hence the last part. But Trixi?

God knows where that came from. Maybe, they just decided to throw in as many dog names as they could.

#17.
Apple

Child Of: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris "You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like Coldplay" Martin

At first, we assumed the naming process went a little bit like that time Newton invented gravity. You know, he was eating an apple or something. We never paid attention in History. Anyway, Gwyneth explained the name on an episode of Oprah back in August of 2004. Her exact words were:

"Right, well, um, basically it was because when we were first pregnant, her daddy said, if it's, basically one day he just said if it's a girl I think her name should be Apple. And I just, it sounded so sweet, and it conjures such a lovely picture for me, you know apples are so sweet and they're wholesome, and it's biblical and it's just, they're so, and I just thought it sounded so lovely and ..."

Obviously, Gwyneth has no clue why she named her kid Apple, either.

#16.
Coco

Child Of: Courteney Cox and David Arquette

According to Wikipedia, the most trusted source on the Internet, they were originally going to name the baby Courteney Cox Arquette, but this went against David's Jewish traditions, so they named it Coco after a nickname Courteney used to have. Courteney decided this was a good name after she decided she didn't want her daughter to ever get a spot on the Supreme Court.

#15.
Kyd

Child Of: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni

We enjoy a whimsical play on words as much as the next website, and the Duchovnys apparently shared a hearty chuckle at the thought of being able to shout, "Hey, kid!" and secretly know it was spelled with a "Y." If you go that direction, why not take it all the way and go with "Phatboi" or "Rhettard?" Both will stay funnier a lot longer than "Kyd."

#14.
Sage Moonblood

Son Of: Sylvester Stallone

OK, we might let this one fly considering Moonblood is Sage's middle name. Plus, this is Sly Stallone, here. Let us take this opportunity to link to that John Rambo trailer yet again. What we're saying is the name probably had to have the word "blood" in it somewhere, and the kid's lucky he didn't wind up with Scream Stabblood.

#13.
Destry

Child Of: Steven Spielberg

Whenever we put this name into Google to find out why anyone would name their baby this, it just brought up the word "Destroy," which actually makes us feel a bit better about it.

Some old-school GI Joe fans have implied that Destry is merely the feminine version of Destro. We'll have to research that, but if true, it comes off here and goes right on the Most Awesome Baby Names list.

#12.
Maddox

Adopted child Of: Angelina Jolie (and Brad Pitt)

Without any research, it's fairly obvious that Jolie named their adopted son after the Internet celebrity Maddox, probably after dismissing Gabe, Tycho and Lowtax.




#11.
Memphis Eve

Child Of: Bono

A pretentious baby name coming from a smug, pretentious man like Bono shouldn't be much of a surprise. The man does call himself Bono, after all. This is also the same person that bought a first-class plane ticket to transport his favorite hat to a concert location.

But really, "Memphis Eve?" Does that even make sense? "One more day until Memphis, kids!"


#10.
Ocean

Child Of: Forest Whitaker

The last King of Scotland actually did explain why he named his son Ocean. His words:

"I want those names to be their destiny, for my daughter to be honest and my son to be expansive. I try to be like a forest, revitalizing and constantly growing."

That's very inspirational, and we do hope his daughter is inspired by the ocean to become expansive, rather than becoming huge, salty and smelling of fish.

#9.
Prince Michael II/Blanket

Child Of: Michael Jackson

You can really chart Michael Jackson's journey into Crazytown with the naming of his children. When his first kid was produced somehow in 1997, he gave him the pretentious but not-quite-insane name Prince Michael Jackson. In 2002, another boy comes along and Michael, completely out of name ideas, calls him Prince Michael II. You'd expect his nickname to be "The Revenge," but instead Michael started calling him "Blanket."

It's such a great example of how a completely innocent word, given the right set of circumstances, can be nightmarishly disturbing.

#8.
Rocket Rodriguez

Child Of: Robert Rodriguez

But you might say, "Cracked, Rocket is such an awesome name!" OK, but you've got to try to imagine this kid having a life outside of porn industry. After all, imagine you're about to be put under on the operating table, and the nurse leans over and tells you your heart surgery is going to be performed by Rocket Rodriguez. OK, that would actually be pretty awesome. But seriously, imagine if the kid ever wanted to run for President ... wait, no, still awesome. OK, we may have to reconsider this one.

Interesting Tidbit: Rocket has four younger siblings: Racer, Rebel, Rogue and Rhiannon. Yeah, Rob has a thing for alliteration.

#7.
Blue Angel

Child Of:The Edge (From U2)

Not one, but two children of U2 band members making the list! Coincidence? We think not!

It's telling that Edge could so easily have just left it at "Angel" and given the kid a perfectly normal name. Nope, he's The Edge and dammit, it's important the kid have a weird name that's difficult to explain, and reminds people of those stunt fighter pilots.

#6.
Audio Science

Child Of: Actress Shannyn Sossamon

It's true that Shannyn Sossamon just barely qualifies as a celebrity, but she forces her way onto this list with this exceptionally bizarre name.

We learn with this entry that the only thing sadder than a pretentious baby name is a failed attempt at a pretentious baby name that ends up sounding like the name of a class at a local community college.

#4 & 5.
Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin

Children Of: Frank Zappa

We've piled all of Frank Zappa's ridiculous kid names into one entry, rather than let him dominate half the list (He named his other kids Dweezil and Ahmet).

He was a funny guy, rest his soul, but as with Jason Lee earlier it's really not cool to saddle your kid with a goofy name just so you can chuckle when you see the birth certificate.

#3.
Moxie Crimefighter

Child Of: Penn Jillette

Apparently, Jillette's wife had no middle name, and their theory was that you never use the middle name anyway so why not have some fun with it. This does not explain the "Moxie" part.

#2.
Tu Morrow

Child Of: Rob Morrow (from the TV show Numb3rs)

Now, we've just about reached the lowest of the low. Below the wacky joke names, and the pretentious hippie names, we have the pun names. Tu Morrow.

We've heard tales of these people; the ones named "Mary Christmas" and "Candy Barr" and "Ruby Cox." It's not only the worst kind of name, it's the worst kind of humor. "Tu Morrow?" That's not one of those things that starts out funny and then wears out its welcome with time; that stops being funny before you say it. It doesn't get any worse than this.

#1.
Jermajesty

Child Of: Jermaine Jackson

We stand corrected.





you can find the above article here



Now I really have to get on my shet. I need too get really creative when I am thinking of baby names if I want to beat any of these betches.

Hmm, I really like Crimefighter as a middle name, but I am no copier.

If you had a child really young you could name it Jungle Juice in honor of the powers that led to the night it was conceived.

What about Dark Princess Fairy Bright. That name is so freakin hysterical because I bet you a million bucks some loser out there on the internet would think that it is incredibly beautiful. Anyone named that is bound to die alone playing WOW and petting her cats.

I would really, I mean REALLY like to name my son John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt after one of my all time favorite songs. If I ever marry a man I tots McGoats name my son this. And mother, this is not a joke. Not like the soy sauce or the climbing mount Everest or the parallel universe of coats. This is for real what I plan on naming my son.

As for the daughter, this one is a little more tricky... I have it! I will name my baby daughter Vyvance Stiletto. We will call her Barbie for short. This is great because she will be named after 3 things I love so much, Vyvance- my time release Adderall, Stilettos - you know I love my shoes, and Barbies - yes, I have graduated college and I still have a Barbie collection, not to mention that my mother still gives me one for xmas every year.

Boo ya. Best. Child's. Names. Ever.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Ching Chong Ping Pong

So many people are aware of my weird and intense passion for salt. Well that love is carried over into soy sauce. Oh I could drink an entire Kikoman bottle of soy sauce if my friends didn't constantly deem it "inappropriate." They never let me have any fun. You know what would be a great money making scheme? Me taking bets from my friends over how much soy sauce I could drink.

If anyone would like to place a wager I would be happy to attempt the feat. Especially if I was able to pick the day that I could chug the elixer from heaven. When I am hungover, oh nothing seems too ridiculous to eat.

What if I mixed soy sauce and sake and drank that? Oh I bet that shet would be delicious. As many of you know, I like to keep the ingredients for sake bombs on hand in my apartment at all times. It is EXTREMELY important that I am able to do a sake bomb every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. So what if I mixed it up this time and did a sake soy bomb! ohhhh I bet it would taste like buddha (I assume that buddha tastes very delicious).

But, I digress from my original point. Which was my love of soy sauce. To many people it seems a little contradictory that I love soy sauce and sake bombs, but I dislike Asians. Now let me clear this up for once and all. I DO NOT dislike Asians. I dislike China, and I don't even dislike all of China. I only dislike very specific aspects of China and I will list them all out for you here:

-Their government & lack of free speech.
-Anime
-Hello Kitty
-The weird ass meats that they eat.
-Those weird coffee shops where there are like 50 cats walking around.
-Their obsession with Ping Pong
-The crazy high population

I am sorry if you found that offensive, but I am not even gonna try to pretend like this blog is politically correct.

But their are somethings I love about China, mostly the weird stories my friend Chen Wang Pang tells me about her time in China. Yes her last name is Wang Pang, and that is one of the reasons why I love China, is that they have last names that just play into the racist stereotypes. Like the one that goes "You know how Chinese people name their kids? They drop a spoon down the stairs and the noises it makes on the way down become the kid's name" Wang Pang Ching Chong Ping Pong Shrimp Fried Rice.

But Asians really do have THE BEST NAMES! My favorite one comes from this guy who I work with. His name is, and this is seriously and literally his name, Phat Dong.

I feel like every man in America wishes that was his name.

I googled "Funny Chinese Pictures" and the below picture of a t-shirt came up. I really think I should buy this for Phat Dong because It would be HYSTERICAL when he wore it.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

yo-yo master

When I saw this video I burst out laughing in the middle of my dead silent office.



Apparently this guy duped SEVERAL Midwestern news shows into believing that he was a yo-yo champ.

here is another clip:

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Soooo Bored

I am a little bored right now, so I have been going through several websites, Like

askville.com


Tower of Teddy Bears

zombo.com

And

Idiot Test 2

I got to the "Crazy Smart" level before I failed, and then you have to restart it from the beginning which I don't wanna do so I am going to be a satisficer and be okay with the score I have.

And before I went through all these websites, I spent about 30 minutes trying to swallow my own tongue. I think I came incredibly close to actually doing it. But then I got freaked out about what would happen if I actually did swallow my own tongue. What if I choked to death in my cubicle because I tried to swallow my own tongue. That would be soooo funny. One of the weirdest deaths of all time.

I now know how I want to die.

Well according to this article about tongues, the only way I could swallow my own tongue would be if I cut it off and then tried to swallow it. Gross.

A friend of mine told me how he wanted to die once. He said he would go to the top of a building and tie one end of a piano wire around his neck and another end to the building. He would then super glue his hands to his head and jump from the building. The piano wire would completely decapitate him and he would fall to the ground with his head in his hands.

Thats pretty clever. But if you are that bent on dying, are you really gonna wanna go through that much effort to die a certain way?

I'm the Quizmeister

I like to take quizzes, mostly because they just tell me how Awesome I am all the time. Here are some results:


Well we all knew this already.

You Have an Extremely Active Imagination


Your mind is vivid, lively, and colorful. There is a lot going on in your head.

You have the ability to make pictures and
movies in your mind. You are extremely visual.



Your creativity knows no bounds. You don't put restrictions or limits on your thoughts.

You have a gift that other people wish they had. So exercise that imagination as much as you want!




Not the Octagon? Oh well Beefy McManstick is a pretty sweet name for my penis.



Your Penis Name Is: Beefy McManstick


Keep it in your pants!




Apparently in my past life I was a whale. Interesting. This would certainly explain my love of plankton. No seriously, Egg and Batter then deep fry some good plankton or krill, oh that shet is soo good.




You Were a Whale



You see the unseen and connect on the deepest level.

You help others find their soul's song.



Don't they realize that this is my name already? Duh! Everyone knows that they are to address me as "Analbin, Empress of the Great Oceans."


Your Vampire Name Is: Empress of the Great Oceans


I never knew what life was until it ran out in a red gush over my lips, my hands!





I am an artist right now. I mean haven't you seen these super sweet pictures I have posted?



You Should Be an Artist


You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique.

No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing.

You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure. You're easily bored.

As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful.




You do best when you:



- Can work by yourself

- Can express your personality in your work



You would also be a good journalist or actor.





Thats right the name Ana rocks. I inspire betches with my name!



You Have an Inspired First Name



You are a highly original and naturally creative person. You are always thinking outside the box.

You are have adventurous spirit, and you are extremely energetic. If you love something, it's easy for you to stay motivated.



You have your own unique take on the world. Your views are both independent and
progressive.

You aren't shy about living a bold and interesting life. You are a bit stubborn and headstrong when it comes to what you believe in.




Well I am really not afraid of anyone. But it would be super Awesome if I actually did have horns like this. I read an article that discussed how you can shape coral into the shape of horns and attach them to your head. Apparently because of the high calcium content of coral, the human body will accept the horns and begin to attach them to your actual skull. Yeah that's right, I have done my homework, which included reading that one article and watching a certain Bones episode, don't be surprised if next time you see me I happen to have horns. I would look like a wood nymph. Once upon a time I played the role of a wood nymph in a staged production of "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe."

As a method actor I insisted on living in the woods and scavenging for my food for 3 months before Opening Night. Ever since those wonderful, magical days where I truly embodied the character of a Wood Nymph, I have been longing to relive that experience, only with greater attention to detail. This is why I believe I will get horn implants and live out the rest of my days in a meadow, somewhere in Georgia (the biggest wood nymph population is in Georgia). I will frolic and jump and dance and twirl and spin and hop and skip...


You Believe That You're Fearless



You may not be the strongest person, but you have a lot of perseverance.

You don't give up easily, and you're in it for the long run. You have incredible endurance.



You respect people who are brave and try to do their best. Effort counts for a lot in your book.

You have no respect for people who are paralyzed by their fears. In your opinion, that's just a life wasted.




I just took this one for Alyssa and Jessie:



Your Dream Guy is Edward




You are a true romantic, and for you, love is a very emotional and passionate thing.

You want to be wooed, charmed, and even seduced. You have old fashioned ideas about
romance.



You don't mind being with a protective guy like Edward, as long as he has your best interests at heart.


You like being taken care of completely, even if things get a little intense at times.


Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

Well now that you are all now aware of how incredibly impressive I am, I will now actually do the work I am paid for. You know, after I am updated on my perez. As a ta ta for now present I will leave you with an image of a b-e-a-utiful man:


Dear Mr. Beau Biden,

I am hear to comfort you as you are going through these very emotionally and physically taxing times. Let me know if you need anything, and I mean anything (Wink). Please don't let this stroke ruin your very handsome face.

Love,
Ana

But you can call me Bananarama if you want Beau.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Why Hello Mr. Biden you are S-E-X-Y

I don't know how many of you readers are aware of hot HOT Beau Biden, Joe Biden's son, is, but he is really cute. He is like a sexy Michael Scott. My new celebrity crush.

Ana's Top Ten Most Disgusting or Strange Pick-up Lines That DID NOT Actually Deter the Man.

Many of those who know me are aware of my compulsive lying. Now, I don't do this to just anyone, mostly just men I meet at the bar. I feel a deep urge to just make up the most ridiculous lies I can, or I say the most ridiculous things I can. I really enjoy pushing it as far as I can possibly go and see how much a man will take. In College Park it is especially funny because men will deal with just about anything to get laid.

So with that bit of background information, I introduce "Ana's Top Ten Most Disgusting or Strange Pick-up Lines That DID NOT Actually Deter the Man." (Yes, I hate to admit it, but these lines sometimes actually made men become MORE interested in me.)

10. "Our names are Anastasia and Katrina and we are Russian twins."
Ok so you might say, "Well men LOVE twins why is this so strange?" The strangeness mostly has to do with the fact that this was what I would tell men FROM EUROPE about Cat and I while we clearly had only American accents. Yet, they still seemed to believe us. Not to mention that I still don't really see much of a resemblance between Cat and I.

9. "You look like you just walked out of a 'Lord of the Gays' parade."
It was really the shirt he was wearing. But this one goes so low on the list because I think that most men might try harder to actually change my mind after I would say this to them.

8."I'm a Mexican Chicken."
Oh this one is an inside joke, but it involves a sombrero, the cluck-u chicken man, and many cervezas.

7. "Look I really physically do not have a cellphone"
This man COULD NOT take a hint.

6. "blah-haha-blugh-hem"
That was the sound of me vomiting. This is one of the most iconic of all my anecdotes, but it is ranked so low because it actually wasn't a pick up line. Basically I was seeing this guy (we will call him Wings because of the intense amount of hair on his back and the manner in which this hair was shaped) and when he asked me to be his girlfriend I vomited all over his face. No, I wasn't very drunk at all. Yes, being his girlfriend seemed that disgusting to me. Surprisingly he continued to try and date me. I had to end it though after he took me to his away weekend and I saw him with his shirt off for the first time.

5. "How do you feel about Light-saber lava? I really only date men who are world wide champions."
Now this line I actually use pretty frequently. You see it does two things, it filters out the jocks and jerks while it draws in the nerds and geeks. Yes, I am proud to admit that I am a nerd and geek lover. The dorkier the better. So while to some men they find this a really strange thing to say, other men think that it is the hottest thing I could ever say. But regardless of drawing in men, I really, truly do refuse to date anyone who won't play light-saber lava with me. It is truly and deeply my favorite sport.

4. "I am actually only 14, I just hit puberty really early."
This one sometimes has an unexpected effect. When men become more interested in me after I say this I get a little creeped out.

3. "The smell of vomit is such a turn on."
I use this one at Santa Fe in CP a lot. For some unknown and appalling reason that bar ALWAYS smells like vomit. So when a man approached me in Fe the other night I had the PERFECT opportunity to send him running. Only he really didn't seemed that disturbed by what I had just said.

2. "I polished these buttons with my own urine."
I really don't know what possessed me to say this, especially since I liked the guy I was talking to. Maybe I just have the weirdest sense of humor. But he actually thought that that was the most hysterical thing ever.

1. "I am actually still a man and I am just waiting on my sex change operation."
I really thought that this would be the most offensive thing I could possibly say to a guy at Cornerstone, but for GOD knows why he actually offered to buy me a drink. This just goes to show you HOW desperate men are to get their decks slippery when wet.