No words needed

Look at my wittle baby boo

He looks so posed, like a Sears picture.

Excuse of the Day: I drink so much because I am so goddamn smart.

So According to The Telegraph, a British newspaper, the women who drink the most are also the smartest women. You can check out the article here.

I don't think I can apropriately explain how very happy this makes me. I now have a whole new world of excuses to rely on!

"Dear Officer, I am not drunk! I am just proving how smart I am!"

Just think of it this way, with every alcoholic sip you take, you are making your chances for becoming a Nobel Lauriet higher.

I don't care how out of line my reasoning is! I just found a way to justify drinking 10 bottles of wine a week and nothing can ever take that away from me!

Shut Up

Yo, I know I can't speel but shut yo trap or I might have to give yousa beat down. I'll sic mR. T on yo asssz.

How To Be Awesome: Lesson 1, Lying

In honor of "How I Met Your Mother," I am going to be doing a series of life lessons where I take a Barney Stinson quote, and teach you "readers" (I put readers in quotes because I know I am the only one who actually reads this) a life lesson about how to be awesome.

Today's lesson is centered around the quote: "A lie is a great story ruined by the truth."

I am hesitant to call this quote "so true" due to it's subject matter, but oh, it is so true. I personally like to embellish most of my stories. For instance: instead of telling people "I don't eat pig because I don't like the taste of it," I instead tell people "I don't eat pig because once, when I was little I was at a farm and I fell in love with a pig named Betsy. After I cared for Betsy until she grew fat and happy. Then, the owners of the farm murdered her before my eyes. They slit her throat and made me watch as the blood poured from her neck." See the difference? The truth makes it so people still bother me to try and eat pork, even though I told them I don't like it. The lie makes it so no one ever bothers me about eating pork again. Hoorah! Everyone is happy.

Another lie I like to tell everyone is that I was injured in a dirt bike accident. Lets compare the truth to the lie again.
Truth: "I was straddling a dirt bike trying to learn how to work it when it fell over on me and I got surprisingly hurt from a stupid accident."
Lie: "During my time as a BMX-er, I attempted to complete the never before seen stunt called 'The SkippyMilkshakeCostaRicaBootyTwist.' It was so complex and intense that I ended up falling from 60ft in the air and crashed in a fiery explosion. I walked away surprisingly uninjured from what could have been a deadly accident."
I feel like I don't even really need to justify the lie here, its just so much more awesome.

So, in conclusion, make up as much crap as you want about your life. Most people will forget half the crap you tell them anyways, so why not entertain yourself, and your listener with a wild and insane story. There are 2 types of people that get away with lying: The person who never lies, so when they do they are immediately forgiven, and the person who lies so much that no one would believe them even if they were telling the truth. I prefer to be the latter. Yes, no one ever knows what I am talking about, but they love me anyway because it feels like they are talking to a soap opera.

Vampire Kangaroo?

So since I have just graduated college, I thought that I would pass along a little golden nugget of information that can change your life; how to make any animal look crazy.

No matter the cuteness of the particular animal you want to draw, you can make them look like they are psychotic.

step 1: Give the animal insanely big teeth. It doesn't matter if the animal has big teeth or even teeth, just give it big teeth.

step 2: Give the animal ridiculously long claws. The same rule for the teeth works with the claws: it doesn't matter if the animal has claws, just give it some. And if you want the animal to be particularly creepy, make it's claws bloody.

step 3: Give the Animal mean eyes:


Man, I feel like something is seriously judging me right now.

There you go, three easy steps to making a demented animal. Here is how I made a normally adorable Kangaroo look scary as shit:



AHHH! I'm gonna feed you to my joey! Cuz AHh I'm a Vampire KANGAROO!

Back with Avengance!

Hello to all my imaginary readers out there!

Well I have decided to spark up the old blog, but this time with a slightly different voice. Instead of just putting up a smorgesboard (I know that's spelled wrong, but who cares?) of other websites, I will be posting things that I have to say, or drawings I made, or anecdotes about me and my friends, or really whatever I like.

So, to start it all off, here is a picture of a ninja with red shoes I drew. Check out those skills!


And I will leave you with a line that I like to live my life by:

"There's not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they're cheering for you. You do that, and some day they will." - Sue Sylvester