"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)






Friday, January 20, 2012

Dream I just had, really weird but really enjoyable.

1/20/12

(sorry if the grammar is awful i was trying to get it onto the page as fast as possible before I forgot it.)

I had this dream last night that was maybe one of the best dreams I ever had. It started off with me getting engaged to some very dorky man but we were really in love. I wish I could remember what he looked like but that part is blocked. Anyways we get married and then I find out that I am pregnant and then I am walking through woods with my mother where I am trying to bring up the fact that I am pregnant and she stumbles onto this party that they were going to have for me. The party was like a baby shower type thing for this one time, years ago that I was going to adopt by myself before I had even met my now husband. The toys were still fine but the decorations were like rotting as would be expected. Turns out I ended up not being able to adopt because when the baby came I was in the hospital for some reason. They never took down the decorations because they had to rush to the hospital to get me and they later forgot about it.

I end up telling my mom that the whole thing is probably for the best because now I am married to the love of my life with a baby girl on the way. Then a big blast comes and we realize that aliens are under attack. We can’t make it home but I make it to an office building where I huddle with other people in cubicles waiting for something to happen. They first hit every thing with nail guns, killing many but ended up safe. Then the nail gun attacks stop and we all know that something else is coming because we can see the ships approaching. The ship come up to our building and rip off one face of it and begin to speak to us.

They tell us that the women and some men will have a choice, they can either be prostitutes on board the ship, helping them make more children since it is very hard for them to procreate, or they can die. Another woman stands up first and she says she would rather die so they kill her right there with a nail gun. I stand up next and say that I would do anything to live and I enter the ship. Several other people enter the ship as well and they head to this registration desk. At the desk I get stopped and told to stand aside.

While waiting in this corridor other women begin to join me and their husbands. As I look at them I notice the common theme is that we are all pregnant. I am not showing so I don’t know how the aliens would know but a doctor soon informs me that they have scanning technology.

I forget here what was said or what happened in the dream but I know that the other women and I showed so much compassion towards each other that the aliens decided to stop the attack and let us all go.

The dream skipped ahead here and it showed me playing wii bowling with a little Asian girl who we took in after her parents died in the attack, my mom in the next room singing silent night to my newborn baby, and my husband outside still trying to get the nails out of our cute little cottage. Everyone was really happy.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Proof that I am the voice of the future.

A while ago I wrote this article but now I have just read this Cracked article which proves I am the voice of the future.


SUCK IT WORLD

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A funny thing happened at work.

A funny thing happened at work.

Someone was talking to me, but I wasn't paying attention because I was rigorously lotioning my hands (they become very dry in the winter). Anywho they were chatting away and I would pick up words here and there, but for the most part I was lotioning my hands and thinking about if I took any more Motrin whether or not my liver would collapse. Then they said:

"blah blah blah blah honesty."

And I immediately jerked my head up and said:

"Wait, I don't have any Tea."

Thursday, February 24, 2011

BRB

Man, have I been busy. And not even with fun stuff, just with work. I was stuck at the office till like 11:30 last night and had to come in at 5:30 this morning. Yuck.

Anywho, that is why I haven't had a chance to write on the blog for a while. Because I am trying to scrape together at least a little bit of a social life when I am not working. Even that is difficult when I don't have to worry about this blog on top of everything else.

I know, I know: you are so incredibly dissapointed that you don't have me here to entertain you. NEVER FEAR THOUGH! I will post something humorous soon enough. As soon as I finish working and after I figure out how to make it so my belly isn't making noises loud enough that my coworker thought that I was groaning due to an injury.

Seriously though, why is my tummy rumbling so loudly? I know I am not hungry, I just had lunch like an hour ago. Weheheheird.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My BF is going to hate me for showing you these....

...but he is so darn cute, I can't help myself.






Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Rat Kings: An Education



Above is a picture of a Rat King. This is essentially when rats who are living in a nest together get their tails entwined due to the filthy conditions. With each pull they become more stuck until they literally cannot get free of the other rats. Rat kings are considered to be the most unhealthly thing on the entire planet as they only exist when rats become excessively filthy. Think about that: take the dirtiest creature on the planet (a rat) and think of what they would consider dirty and then you understand why Rat Kings are supposed to be so incredibly gross.

Eventually all the rats die, either from starvation because they couldn't make it to any food, or from dimemberment because they struggle so much to get free they actually rip their own bodies in half.

In Medieval times they believed Rat Kings to be bad luck. Possibly because they consisted of terrifying wheels of enraged, crazed, disease infested rodents covered in their own shit. Yes, I could see how that might be bad luck.