Am I the only one?

First off: Blogger has a new set up since I've last used it and I really don't care to learn new settings ... ergo this will probably be a shitty looking post. Yay for you.


Now:
I was reading Cracked today and because I'm a self indulgent asshole I needed to write about something I spied with my little eye. Now because it is cracked I'm going to say it was probably researched, I didn't do it and I didn't read it. Therefore, this might be wrong but like the new settings on blogger, I just don't care. But I did read this description:

"You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic."

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_20214_5-so-called-signs-genius-that-any-idiot-can-learn_p2.html#ixzz2JPAm0cig

So some jackass scientist found out that if you apparently say this blurb to any old person they will think you are giving an in depth psychoanalysis of them. Or at least 84% of people will think that, i think, i didn't really read the cracked article either. This comes out of a study where he had people fill out psych evaluations, and then pretended to read them, and then said the above junk to them pretending it was a specifically catered to each person.

Here is my problem with the whole thing: If someone said all this to me, I would say: "BULLSHIT!"

Why would I say bullshit? I am more than happy to tell you:

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself.
No. First off, I don't think I have ever wanted anyone to admire me. Second, the only people I care about liking me are people interviewing me for jobs. Also my cat, Mungo, I care that he likes me, but that's mostly because if his opinion of me ever turns I don't think he would hesitate to shit in my face. I think that's why he puts his butt in my face all the time. It's clearly a threat... ...and it works. The last part about this, being critical about myself, Well I suppose everyone is in some way. I know I have thought things like "I'm too fat" or "I'm too lazy" but then what do I do? I eat a bag of potato chips or take a nap. So while I may be critical of myself sometimes, I don't think I could ever take those critiques seriously - at least not until I actually do something about them. 

While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them.

I honestly think my only personality weakness is my total laziness and I can assure you that in no way shape or form* do I compensate for that. Unless by compensate you mean continue to lay in bed watching Netflix and not move. In that case I compensate the shit out of it. 

You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage.
This may be one of the few points that is entirely true. See above for evidence. 

Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside.

I will only address the first part of this sentence as I have previously addressed the second part. To the first part: I don't know a single person in the entire world who would ever, I mean ever, call me disciplined or self-controlled. I think that actually might be the anti-thesis of me. In fact the majority of my success in life comes from bursts of hard work after weeks and weeks of doing absolutely nothing. Those are not the actions of a disciplined or self-controlled person. Also I don't think a disciplined or self-controlled person would be such an advocate for nose picking. Or for drinking. Or for burping. Or for CW TV shows. Or for things vampire related. Or for any of the things that I like at all. 

At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.

Probably every year or two, especially around Christmas time I get super "what is the meaning to life" -ish. I think it's because I can't get my tan on no more. But for the most part I would say I'm one of the most happy go lucky betches I know. You know, if a betch can be happy go lucky. Maybe that's not possible, maybe I'm just carefree or irresponsible. Yeah irresponsible sounds about right. 

You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.

I think I am one of those rare birds (possibly a macaw or a emu, since they are so similar looking) who loves stasis. Major reason why I went back to grad school was because I wanted to go back to school and did want the change of being an adult. Yes, I prefer a certain amount of change in the sense that in college I preferred rum & coke and now I love gin & tonic. Other than that? I want my same cat and my same tv shows and my same junk. And I want them the same. 

You also pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof.

Ok to prove that this is not me - read this article. Independent thinker - maybe - but the part about needing proof? No. I'm writing this article with out any proof that what it is based off of is true. Which I admitted when I first started writing it. 

But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. 

This might be one of those things that I should think/learn/feel but it definitely doesn't describe me. Once again I'm the exact opposite in that I give out far too much information about myself to other people - too a point where I start disgusting them. But that is one of the moments I cherish the most in life - the look in other people's eyes when I have thoroughly disgusted them. So I will most likely never change this about myself. 

 At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. 

I think this might be the only thing said above that is a fair evaluation of me. At the same time it is the most vague crap I have ever heard in my life and therefore applies to everyone. It's on par with saying "you are a human who eats, sleeps, and poops." At one point in time no matter how introverted you are - you will be extroverted around the right group of people. On the flipside  - no matter how extroverted you are, at one point in time you will act introverted if you were around the right people, say like a group that made you nervous. For me that group might be my boyfriend's parents, the pope, children, or foreigners. I really hate all but one of those groups - you guess which one. 

Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

This is interesting because it forces you to think about what your aspirations are, and mine are: DUH DUH DUH! To be happy with as little effort as possible. I think that might be the most realistic aspiration there is. That or I'm super unrealistic, like so unrealistic I just don't even know how unrealistic I am. 

Another aspiration I have is to own a claw footed tub and a walk in closet. These might be unrealistic seeing as I be poor. 

Now readers (and by that I mean mother - yo wassup?), now that you have read that junk there - how does it/does it not describe you?

Another Dream, This one called "Womance: The Bromance for Chicks"

In a semi-apocalyptic future where the Americas are destroyed, everyone was forced to migrate to Europe and Africa. Meaning that there was massive over crowding and not everyone was able to make the safe move. A string of unstable volcanos caused the evacuation and eventually the Americas sank into the ocean, killing millions.

Fortunately, most of my family and friends were able to escape to Africa. There were plenty of evac lifeboats to shuttle passengers across the Atlantic, but there was some worry about whether or not such boats could make the trip in the time needed and whether they were stocked enough with supplies. Since the East Coast was hit last with the series of volcanoes, I was able to round up my family and friends and their families and through the pooling of our resources we were able to locate a plane and pilot who flew us over to Africa.

Once in Africa, things were deteriorating fast. Due to the quick influx of people and the unstable political scene, people were dying left and right due to disease and starvation. Together with my family, we created a plan to isolate as many people as we could and create our own new country with a fair rule. We learned that the Sinai Peninsula and parts of Egypt were unstable and with the use of explosives, they would detach from Africa and the Middle East and begin a slow float into the Atlantic, where it would settle safely in between Africa and where America was (I’m assuming the geography of the Mediterranean had changed enough to allow this somehow).

After we had placed the explosives and gathered the resources we needed, it came time to recruit. I obviously went first to my friends that had come over to Africa with me, and most of them agreed, except for one, Cat. I begged her to come on to the island with me but she refused saying that it wasn’t right and if we really wanted change we should stay and try and make a difference for everyone, not run away. I told her I didn’t see it as running away but as creating a haven for those who wanted it and that we weren't discriminating when it came to passengers. We obviously had fundamental disagreements that grew into a huge blow up that ended with us screaming that we never wanted to see each other again.

The day came and with millions of recruits we were able to execute our plan perfectly. Me, my family, and most of my friends sailed off into the Atlantic on a hunk of land. Days when by and everything ran smoothly. My family took up a leadership position with my mom and dad working in tandem to rule. I was given some responsibilities but my parents tasked me mostly with seeing that some sort of education system was instated. They also gave me the title “Grand Duchess Anastasia” as some sort of joke I assume, but I took it mostly as a bad omen.

When we ran out of food the Soviet Union would resupply us (yes, I see the irony as well as historical inaccuracy here) and after long deliberation and a public vote, the island was titled Russia.

After about six months we began receiving boats from all over with people who wished to immigrate to our lands. Every time a boat came, I hoped Cat was on it. And as more time passed, the more I began to regret my final words with her. After about two years of peaceful living, a boat came and my heart raced when I thought I saw Cat in the crowd and it turned out that it was instead a good friend of ours who looked vaguely like Cat (this person doesn’t really exist though). She informed me that Cat was now a leader back in Africa, attempting to reform. It was right then that I realized my biggest regret was loosing Cat.

So I grabbed a boat from the harbor and I made the journey back to Africa alone. Fortunately, continental plates are slow movers so the island wasn’t that far away from the continent. What I did not expect was that I was considered hostile to the continent. Which meant weapons were fired on me and I was forced to take evasive maneuvers. I ended up being able to evade the weapons when enter the harbor and without detection I was able to sneak to the Capital building where I knew Cat was located. My plan was to convince her to come to the Island by any means necessary. I knew I couldn’t leave the Island for good, my family and friends were there, but I knew I needed to try to get Cat on board. Or at the very least to reconcile our friendship.

I was dropping into the state building to do some recon and figure out the best way to approach Cat... ...When I woke up. That is when I awoke and so I lost track of the story, which is a shame because I really liked my secret agent skills as well as how important I was. Also, I wanna know if I was able to meet up with Cat or not and whether we became friends again.

Have you ever had that experience where, maybe you are in a relationship, and in your dreams your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you, then you wake up and you realize it was all in your head. But no matter how much you tell yourself that it was all a dream, you can’t help but be pissed at that person, at least for a little bit, for cheating on you? Well I kinda had that here, no matter how much I keep telling myself that it was just a dream, I kinda feel like something is wrong between Cat and I and we are really far apart and she is mad at me or something.

Dream I just had, really weird but really enjoyable.

1/20/12

(sorry if the grammar is awful i was trying to get it onto the page as fast as possible before I forgot it.)

I had this dream last night that was maybe one of the best dreams I ever had. It started off with me getting engaged to some very dorky man but we were really in love. I wish I could remember what he looked like but that part is blocked. Anyways we get married and then I find out that I am pregnant and then I am walking through woods with my mother where I am trying to bring up the fact that I am pregnant and she stumbles onto this party that they were going to have for me. The party was like a baby shower type thing for this one time, years ago that I was going to adopt by myself before I had even met my now husband. The toys were still fine but the decorations were like rotting as would be expected. Turns out I ended up not being able to adopt because when the baby came I was in the hospital for some reason. They never took down the decorations because they had to rush to the hospital to get me and they later forgot about it.

I end up telling my mom that the whole thing is probably for the best because now I am married to the love of my life with a baby girl on the way. Then a big blast comes and we realize that aliens are under attack. We can’t make it home but I make it to an office building where I huddle with other people in cubicles waiting for something to happen. They first hit every thing with nail guns, killing many but ended up safe. Then the nail gun attacks stop and we all know that something else is coming because we can see the ships approaching. The ship come up to our building and rip off one face of it and begin to speak to us.

They tell us that the women and some men will have a choice, they can either be prostitutes on board the ship, helping them make more children since it is very hard for them to procreate, or they can die. Another woman stands up first and she says she would rather die so they kill her right there with a nail gun. I stand up next and say that I would do anything to live and I enter the ship. Several other people enter the ship as well and they head to this registration desk. At the desk I get stopped and told to stand aside.

While waiting in this corridor other women begin to join me and their husbands. As I look at them I notice the common theme is that we are all pregnant. I am not showing so I don’t know how the aliens would know but a doctor soon informs me that they have scanning technology.

I forget here what was said or what happened in the dream but I know that the other women and I showed so much compassion towards each other that the aliens decided to stop the attack and let us all go.

The dream skipped ahead here and it showed me playing wii bowling with a little Asian girl who we took in after her parents died in the attack, my mom in the next room singing silent night to my newborn baby, and my husband outside still trying to get the nails out of our cute little cottage. Everyone was really happy.

Proof that I am the voice of the future.

A while ago I wrote this article but now I have just read this Cracked article which proves I am the voice of the future.

SUCK IT WORLD

A funny thing happened at work.

A funny thing happened at work.

Someone was talking to me, but I wasn't paying attention because I was rigorously lotioning my hands (they become very dry in the winter). Anywho they were chatting away and I would pick up words here and there, but for the most part I was lotioning my hands and thinking about if I took any more Motrin whether or not my liver would collapse. Then they said:

"blah blah blah blah honesty."

And I immediately jerked my head up and said:

"Wait, I don't have any Tea."

Apparently our future kids will have a real problem with cold sores

BRB

Man, have I been busy. And not even with fun stuff, just with work. I was stuck at the office till like 11:30 last night and had to come in at 5:30 this morning. Yuck.

Anywho, that is why I haven't had a chance to write on the blog for a while. Because I am trying to scrape together at least a little bit of a social life when I am not working. Even that is difficult when I don't have to worry about this blog on top of everything else.

I know, I know: you are so incredibly dissapointed that you don't have me here to entertain you. NEVER FEAR THOUGH! I will post something humorous soon enough. As soon as I finish working and after I figure out how to make it so my belly isn't making noises loud enough that my coworker thought that I was groaning due to an injury.

Seriously though, why is my tummy rumbling so loudly? I know I am not hungry, I just had lunch like an hour ago. Weheheheird.