Goddamn it MAX!

So through recent scientific sleuthing I have figured out that my older brother, Max, has pretty much effected almost every aspect of my personality.

Note: I have two younger siblings, Elle and Teddy, as well but they were adopted and this pertains more to genetics. So for the purposes of this article it is completely Max's fault.

He made me short.
OK, so maybe I'm not exactly short. Alright, I guess I'm tall at 5'9", but according to this article I read, if I was first born I could have been significantly taller. Like two inches taller. But because Max got to my mother's uterus first, he zapped all the good shit away and left me with a second hand one. They have actually proven this. And it's bullshit.

He shaped my entire personality.
So when I was growing up I was super-duper girly. Like really, really girly. I mean, I would watch Cinderella over and over and over again and everything in my room had to be pink or unicorns. I was also really into Ballet and Musical theater. But recently, I'm not really into any of that stuff anymore. I have started liking football and cigars and beer. Turns out this is Max's fault.
Younger siblings who grow up with the opposite sex have been scientifically proven to swing wholly into their gender stereotypes as children. Okay, this makes sense - I wanted to be as opposite as my brother as possible.
Here is where it gets weird though: Once you no longer live and interact with your opposite sex older sibling, the majority of the younger siblings will swing in the opposite direction, taking on many traits that are considered "gender defining" of the opposite sex. Which makes complete sense. Pretty much as soon as Max and I stopped living together and seeing each other everyday I started getting into more manly things and less girly ones. But it really only applies to the younger sibling who is genetically related to the older one. Which is so strange. Like really, really weird. And the thing is, the scientists don't know why this happens.

Well, he deserves a pat on the back for making me funny
I know you all think I am funny. I am funny. You know that. Well apparently it's because of Max. UC Davis did a study where they recorded sets of siblings telling jokes and the younger siblings were always ranked funnier, even when they read the same jokes. Also, in London they did some sort of interview with thousands of sibling pairs and they found that everyone thinks the younger sibling is funnier. While it makes sense in an attention seeking sort of way, they believe it is genetic. I didn't really want to read about it because I was so lost but I think it was genetic.

He took all the smart genes
For pretty much the same reason that he made me short, he made me stupider. Because I got stuck with the used uterus. On average the first born is 2 IQ points smarter. Damnit!

Alright, he did one last nice thing for me, he made me nicer
I don't really understand this one either, but scientists are saying that younger siblings can express empathy better and that we are able to socialize better. Knowing my brother and I, that is completely true.

I think all of this crap applies to my little brother, Teddy, and my little sister, Elle. Elle is the older one and Teddy is shorter, pretty manly because they still live together, he is pretty funny, and he has trouble in school. The only problem here is that Elle is most definitely the nicer of the two. She is a totally sweethear.
But based on most sibling patterns, as soon as Elle goes away to college, Teddy is going to become super effeminante. That will be funny to see.